


Is Connor Whisk...ya know?

by Multifandomx



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Canon Compliant, Daddy Kink, Family Issues, Grinding, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, I just want Whiskey to be happy, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not all LAX bros are bad, Self-Harm, Supportive Best Friend, Team as Family, Underage Drinking, Whiskey gets better, is that too much to ask for?, let Connor Whisk be happy, tango tangredi is the best friend anyone could ask for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:54:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 28,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24333172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandomx/pseuds/Multifandomx
Summary: Connor Whisk had always known there was something different about him. While the other boys in his grade started talking about how pretty girls were, he found himself think the same thing, but about boys.He knew these feelings were wrong, which is why at a young age he decided that he would never tell anybody, and he would NEVER act on these feelings, because he wouldn’t know if he was really…ya know unless he acted on it. So, in high school he got a girlfriend, and promised himself he would never break up with her, because as long as he had a girlfriend, he couldn’t be…ya know. His plan was working perfectly, that was until Connor Whisk started attending Samwell University in 2015.
Relationships: Adam "Holster" Birkholtz & Justin "Ransom" Oluransi, Connor "Whiskey" Whisk & Connor "Whiskey" Whisk's Girlfriend, Connor "Whiskey" Whisk/LAX Bro, Connor "Whiskey" Whisk/Original Male Character(s), Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Ollie O'Meara/Pacer Wicks, Tony "Tango" Tangredi & Connor "Whiskey" Whisk
Comments: 10
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I will be putting an potential trigger warnings for each chapter in the notes at the bottom. Hope you enjoy!

Connor Whisk had always known there was something different about him. While the other boys in his grade started talking about how pretty girls were, he found himself think the same thing, but about boys. 

He knew these feelings were wrong, which is why at a young age he decided that he would never tell anybody, and he would NEVER act on these feelings, because he wouldn’t know if he was really…ya know unless he acted on it. So, in high school he got a girlfriend, and promised himself he would never break up with her, because as long as he had a girlfriend, he couldn’t be…ya know. His plan was working perfectly, that was until Connor Whisk started attending Samwell University in 2015.

It’s not that Connor was homophobic, because he wasn’t, he just simply couldn’t stand Eric Bittle. It wasn’t because he was gay, it was because of how he acted all the time. He always just seemed so happy, like nothing ever seemed to get him down, and well It was annoying. To remedy this Connor decided that instead of lashing out on Bitty, or just ignoring him, he would instead ignore the entire Samwell Men’s Hockey team.

This was a pretty easy thing to accomplish, because Connor had become fast friends with his roommate, Chad P., who was on the Samwell Men’s Lacrosse team, so he just hung out with them instead. Obviously, the entire team was not too happy about this because of that old bylaw that an alumnus made up that was pretty simply “fuck the LAX bros”, but none of them were like anyone on the hockey team. No one ever asked him how his day was, or how he was feeling, and it was great. 

Everything was perfect, he never had to see the hockey team outside of practice, or games, and that was just how he liked it. Until, about 3 months in, another tadpole named Tango decided to make it his mission to become friends with him. He didn’t hate Tango, because he had literally never gotten to know him, but he just really didn’t want to befriend anyone on the team. 

Tango though, appeared to be a tough person to shake. He would always insist on walking back to their dorm building together, because they had been like neighbors this entire time, and Connor had not noticed once. Every time they would walk back on a Saturday morning after practice, or a Saturday night after a game, Tango would ask him if he was going to the Kegster that night, but he always made up some excuse about homework, or already having other plans. One day though he gave in, it was the first week in December, and one of the last Kegsters of the semester, so he figured that it wouldn’t be that much of a big deal…oh boy was he wrong.

When he and Tango opened the door to the Haus immediately Ransom, and Holster were by their sides saying things like “Oh shit, Whiskey, it’s awesome you could make it bro,” and “Dude, I’m glad you finally decided to come to one of these!” It almost boiled Connor’s blood. The entire semester, not only, had he been nothing but cold, and distant from his entire team, but he was purposefully hanging out with their sworn enemies, because he knew he wouldn’t have to talk to them. Then the second he walked into the Haus he was welcomed with open arms by his captains. How could they still want to be his friends when he so clearly didn’t want to be theirs? 

He decided to brush it off, and just drink…like a lot. He had never had tub juice, so he honestly just didn’t know the power that it held, unfortunately he found out its power about 3 cups too late. Connor stumbled into the kitchen to get something else to drink, besides alcohol, because he was pretty sure having 5 cups of tub juice had dehydrated him just a tad. When he entered the kitchen, it was pretty much dark, so he carefully walked his way over to the fridge to get a bottle of water. As he reached for a bottle of water, he felt someone place a hand on his shoulder, this caused him to spin around really fast, but is he inebriated state he lost his balance, and crashed to the floor. 

“Oh my god, are you ok?!” the person said, he knew that voice, but it was so dark, and his vision was so blurry it took him a minute to figure out who it was.

When his eyes had finally adjusted, he realized the hand and voice belonged to none other than Eric Bittle. “Yeah, ‘m fine,” he slurred back, while using the counter behind him to stand himself up, instead of using Bitty’s outstretched hand. “I just needed some water,” he slurred again as he steadied himself. 

“Oh, ok, so this is like your first Kegster ever, what do you think of it? It’s so nice to see you here.” Bitty said to him with a smile on his face.

“I don’t wanna talk tuh you,” he said while pointing a finger in Bitty’s face. “Why do you think I never come to these things? I do not want to see you.” The look on Bitty’s face of betrayal and hurt almost made a part of Connor feel bad, but once the look disappeared, so did his guilt. 

“I think you should leave,” a voice from behind Bitty said, looking up he found the voice belonged to Dex. Dex, and Chowder had at some point during that altercation appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, and had apparently heard the whole thing. “Come on dude, I’ll walk you back to your dorm,” Dex said with some hostility in his voice.

“I’m not leaving without Tango, he made me come to this stupid thing, so if I have to leave, I’m gonna leave with him,” Connor said back to them.

“Whiskey, come on, please don’t make this any harder than it has to be,” Chowder said with a pleading look on his face. Connor still refused to move from his spot against the counter.

Dex rubbed his temples with his index fingers, “You know what, I’ll go find Tango, can you wait out front with him?” Dex asked Chowder. Chowder nodded.

Out on the porch he sat down against the Haus with Chowder. “Why don’t you like the team?” Chowder asked without looking over at him.

“I don’t not like the team,” Connor replied almost defensively.

“Ok, then why don’t you like Bitty? Is it because he’s gay? Because, we do not have a place for any discrimination on the team,” Chowder said with a rising anger in his voice. 

“No, it’s…it’s not because he’s…ya know. I don’t know why I don’t like him ok, I just don’t,” just as it seemed like Chowder was going to blow his top the front door opened, and out emerged Dex, and Tango. Chowder quickly stood up, and marched inside the Haus slamming the door.

Connor opened his mouth to defend himself to Dex about what just happened, but before he could speak Dex put up his hand and said, “You know what Whiskey, I don’t wanna hear it, let’s just get you guys home.” They walked in silence all the way back to his and Tango’s building. When they got there Dex leaned over and whispered something in Tango’s ear, that Connor couldn’t hear, but whatever he said caused Tango to frown.

“Goodnight Tango. See ya Whisk,” Dex said as he started walking back in the direction of the Haus. 

Tango let himself into the building as Whiskey followed him. They took the elevator up to their floor in silence. When they got off the walked down the hall, both of them pausing in front of Whiskey’s door. 

“You know, I just wanted a real friend on the team. Everyone on the team is so nice, and amazing, but they all seem to have their friend groups. I guess I just kinda wanted that. I’m sorry that you hate Bitty or whatever, but maybe just try not be a complete dick all the time, it will get you farther in life.” Tango said with a very serious tone, and what looked like tears prickling in his eyes. 

With that he turned and walked away to his own dorm leaving Whiskey standing in the hallway wondering if he had just lost the only person, he would even consider calling a friend on the SMH team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some internalized homophobia, and some indirect homophobia.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! thank you for reading! I am having a lot of fun writing this. This is a shorter chapter, but I hope you still enjoy it!

That Monday’s practice was probably the most awkward experience for Connor to date. The only time anyone on the team would look at or talk to him was on the ice. In the locker room after practice everyone seemed to avoid him, which he understood. He guessed by now everyone had heard about what he had said. Usually on Sunday morning he would always get a text from Tango letting him know about team breakfast, but that hadn’t happened.

He was the last one out of the locker room, and usually Tango would be waiting for him in the hallway, but when he walked out, he was greeted to an empty corridor. The rest of the semester continued on like that, the only time he was acknowledged was on the ice. Although, during one game he scored the game winning goal, and the people on the ice each slapped him on the shoulder. After that game Holster came up to him to tell him that he did good, but that was more of a formality than anything. 

Once finals were over Connor went back home for winter break. He did not hear anything from any of the team until Christmas day when he decided he should text Tango.

Whiskey: Merry Christmas, have a good one!

He didn’t expect a reply at all, because he knew he didn’t deserve one, but he just wanted to let Tango know that if his friendship was still on the table, then he was still interested. About an hour later Connor’s phone buzzed, expecting it to be someone from the LAX team, he decided he would look at it later. 

After all the presents were opened, and the breakfast was eaten Connor decided to check his phone. As expected, there were like 12 messages from 12 different Chad’s on the LAX team wishing his a “Merry Christmas, Bro,” and similar messages. But as he scrolled down, he noticed he had a notification from Tango. He was pretty scared to open the message, because while Tango isn’t a mean person, they hadn’t left it on a very good note. The message simply read “U2 :).” Connor smiled at his phone for a solid 5 minutes before his mom’s yelling broke him out of the trance.

The rest of winter break was pretty uneventful. On New Year’s Day he texted, not only, Tango, but also the frogs “Happy New Year!” He actually got a response from everyone, each a little passive aggressive, but a response none the less.

Dex: Yeah bro, totally.

Nursey: Same to you, Whisk.

Chowder: Thx.

Tango: Thanks! You too.

To his surprise though, he also received a text from Bitty. When the named popped up on his screen he got a little scared. Bitty hadn’t texted him since October, when he gave up trying to get him to come to team dinners. Connor started wondering if maybe he was texting him a nasty message, because he was maybe drunk, or maybe he was just telling him that he was straight up off the team, both of which he knew he deserved for his outburst. He opened the message expecting the worst.

Bitty: Happy New Year Whiskey! Hope you’re having a good break.

He re-read the message 3 times, because he was sure he couldn’t be reading that right. After everything he said to Bitty, he still texted him a Happy New Year message. Connor knew he didn’t deserve a text back from anyone on the team, let alone an unprovoked text from Bitty. Connor decided he needed to text him back, but he didn’t really know what to say, so he just said “Happy New Year Bitty. I hope you are too.” He figured it was simple and to the point.

With that the next 3 weeks flew by, and he was back at Samwell. He was nervous to face his team again, but he was hoping maybe he could make it up to them somehow.

Just when he had gotten settled back in his room his phone buzzed. He looked over at it seeing it was a text from Ransom.

Ransom: Hey, idk when you get back, but when you do could you text me, and let me know. Holster and I need to talk to you.

He felt his heart drop. He knew what this was about, he wasn’t dumb. He was absolutely getting kicked off the team. He hesitated texting him back, because he didn’t want to face the facts. The facts were, like most of the guys on the team, he was here on a hockey scholarship, and without it, there was no way he could afford Samwell, and honestly Connor felt like this is where he needed to be right now. He texted Ransom back 10 minutes later.

Connor: Hey, just got back. Where do you want to talk?

Ransom responded almost instantaneously.

Ransom: Be @ the Haus in 15.

He started to pace around the room. He could feel the lump in his throat building from trying to hold back the tears in his eyes. After about 10 minutes of forcing back tears, and sniffling, he made his way over to the Haus.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you very much for all your support and feedback! This is also a shorter chapter, but it's more to just set a pace for the rest of the book.

When Connor arrived at the Haus he stood on the sidewalk for a couple of minutes, because he felt like a stranger there. He didn’t know whether to knock, or just walk in. He walked up to the front door, and opted to knock instead of just walking in. Ransom opened the door with a confused look. “I think you are the only person in the history of the SMH to knock before coming into the Haus,” he said while leading Connor inside.

Connor followed Ransom up the stairs, and then up into the attic of the Haus. Holster was already in there sitting in the desk chair. “Hey Whiskey, thanks so much for coming over on such short notice.” Holster said, while standing up and not making eye contact with him. “You can sit down over there,” Holster pointed to his desk on the other side of the room. Connor sat down in the chair. He began wringing his hands, and looked at the ground, not wanting to make eye contact with his captains. Ransom cleared his throat causing Connor to look up.

Both of the captains towered above him in his current seated position. “Oh shit man, we should probably sit down. I think we’re scaring him.” Holster said to Ransom. Ransom nodded as he brought over his desk chair, and he a Holster both sat in it, because they only had two chairs in their room. 

“Ok, so I’m sure you can maybe guess why you’re here,” Ransom said looking at Connor. Connor nodded. 

“I’m so sorry you guys, I will do anything to stay on this team. I will write Bitty an apology letter, hell I write each member of this team an apology letter. I can’t afford to go here without the hockey scholarship. I know I don’t hang out with you a lot, but I promise I can do better.” Connor said looking back and forth between both captains and the ground. 

“Ummmm, bro we aren’t kicking you off the team.” Holster said point blank with a confused look on his face.

“You’re…you’re not?” Connor’s voice cracked as he asked. 

“No, of course not. You’re not the first homophobe in the history in SMH, and even though they are pretty rare here now, you won’t be the last either. We believe in second chances on this team, so we are willing to give you one.” Ransom said with a calm voice. Connor looked at the floor in disappointment, they thought he was homophobic…maybe they were right. He did hate himself, wait no, that would be like admitting that he was…ya know. He looked back up at his captains.

“Shitty invented this thing called a sensitivity course, it’s basically just a PowerPoint, and a quiz at the end. We are essentially your teachers for the day…it’s a long PowerPoint.” Holster said finishing the statement with a sigh. Connor just nodded in response.

“Alright, well let’s get this shit over with” Ransom said, and pulled out his laptop to pull up the slide show. 

*5 hours later*

“So basically, that’s why you can’t say things like that, got it?” Ransom asked. Connor nodded for what felt like the millionth time that day. “Great time for the quiz, I promise it should only take about 20 minutes.” Ransom said 

“But you do have to get a 90% to pass.” Holster added.

“What happens if I don’t pass?” Connor asked nervously.

Ransom scrubbed his hand over his face. “It doesn’t matter, because that won’t happen. Right?” he said. Connor nodded furiously and began taking the quiz. 

*20 minutes later*

“Congrats you got a 100%, you may leave now,” Holster said after he and Ransom had looked over his paper. Connor nodded and stood up. Right as he was going to open the door Holster stopped him, saying “Hey dude, also just like stop being so hostile all the time. We care about you, and please if you ever need to talk let one of us know.”

“It’s not good to struggle with your inner demons alone dude. We are your captains that’s what we are here for. Have a good night Whiskey, good luck on your first day tomorrow.” Ransom added. Connor gave a small nod before hastily walking back to his dorm not wanting to run into anyone else on the team.

Connor laid in bed that night thinking about Holster and Ransom’s words over and over again, please if you ever need to talk let one of us know. It’s not good to struggle with your inner demons alone dude. Maybe they were right. Maybe he should talk to one of them, but maybe not. He wasn’t ready. He couldn’t even say the word, let alone admit to himself, LET ALONE admit it to someone else. No, Connor Whisk would never have to say that word, because he refused to be…ya know. He was normal. He is normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't there are any direct trigger warning in this chapter, but there might be some mild internalized homophobia, depending on how sensitive you are too that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you're enjoying! Trigger warnings are in the notes at the bottom.

Connor kept hanging out with the LAX bros, but also started coming to more things for the team. He wasn’t the first person to volunteer to do something together, but if Tango was going then, he might tag along. He still preferred hanging out with the LAX bros though. They were way less prying. They didn’t want to know the intimate details of his life, and they didn’t ask about how he and his girlfriend were doing. It was a refreshing break.

One particular Saturday night there was a kegster, and a LAX party. Tango really wanted him to go to the kegster, and even Nursey had told him he should come, which was the most positive interaction he has had with anyone on the team outside of Tango since the sensitivity course. He wanted to go to the kegster, but he needed a break from them. He had gone to the last two, and they always take so much out of him. The LAX party was basically a kickback, because this was a closed LAX party, so it would be chill. Exactly what Connor needed.

He walked over to the party with his roommate, Chad P., but got quickly separated from him, because some girl who Chad humped and dumped showed up, so he needed to take care of that. Connor grabbed a beer from the fridge and went into the basement where he found Chad M. sitting on the couch. He walked over and sat next to him. 

“Hey, Connor, hey, wassup my guy?” Chad asked, clearly already very drunk. Connor just laughed as a response as Chad went back to his original conversation with the person sitting across from him. Connor turned to see the person, and saw the most beautiful man he had ever seen in his whole life. Connor just stared at him, he couldn’t help it, whoever he was he was perfect. 

“Hey bud, you need something?” the guys asked in Connor’s direction. Connor pointed to himself in a questioning way. “Yeah you, you’re literally staring at me. Are you good man?” the guy continued. 

“N-No sorry, just zoned out…I’m Connor by the way.” He stretched out his hand to the mystery man. 

“Hey Connor, my name’s Mike.” The man, Mike, grabbed his hand and shook it. “You wanna go out back? I think Chad is out.” Mike said. Connor looked over to see Chad M. very much asleep, and drooling. Connor nodded, and followed him up the stairs. 

When the pair got outside there were only like 2 other people out there, because it was March, and everyone else was sane. “Let’s go sit over there,” Mike pointed to a patio set, that had seen better days, under a big tree. They both sat down and got situated. “So how did you get invited to this ‘party’? Not much of a party though is it?” Mike laughed. 

Connor chuckled, “My roommate is on the team, so I kinda became friends with the team last semester.” Connor nodded and took a sip of his beer. They sat in silence for a little bit. It wasn’t necessarily awkward, but Connor wanted to talk to Mike. “I’m on the men’s hockey team.” Connor blurted out.

Mike nodded, “Oh yeah? That’s cool. Some of the guys on your team are pretty fucking hot, let me tell you.” Connor almost spit out the beer he was sipping, but instead choked on it. “Oh my god, bro. Are you good? Do you want me to get you some water?” Mike asked looking and sounding concerned. Connor shook his head as he cleared his throat.

Connor coughed one last time, “I’m ok, I swear. I guess I just wasn’t expecting you to say that.” He said looking up at Mike. 

Mike cocked an eyebrow, “Say what? That the guys on your team are hot? Dude you would have to be either super blind, or super straight to not see that.” Connor seemed to sink into his chair at that. “Oh, it’s because…got it. I guess…I was told the hockey team was like super accepting, and stuff. I guess I didn’t really expect that reaction. Sorry.” Mike said with a tinge on annoyance in his voice. 

Connor shook his head, “No, I swear…I’m not…no. I guess you just look like…that sounds bad. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant like…I wouldn’t expect you to li-“ Mike cut Connor off.  
“Dude, breathe. It’s ok.” Mike reached out and put his hand on top of where Connor’s was resting on the arm of the chair. “I get it. You’re probably from a conservative town, and you’ve never met a gay guy who doesn’t look like a ‘gay guy’. It’s cool.” Connor nodded at the statement having not taken his eyes off of where Mike’s hand was encasing his the whole time. 

“I’m sorry. I promise I’m not like homophobic or anything. At least I don’t think I am. I’m sorry.” Connor said, closing his eyes. Mike’s thumb began rubbing where it rested on Connor’s hand. Nodding but not saying anything. 

They sat in silence for what felt like forever, but had actually only been about 20 minutes, until Mike said, “Hey, it’s super fucking cold out here, want to go back to my apartment? I have beer there.” Connor flashed a small smile, and nodded. 

When they got to Mike’s apartment, he offered Connor a beer, which he happily took. He then led them over to the couch and turned on the tv. “What do you wanna watch?” He asked Connor. He shrugged in response, slowly taking a sip of his beer. “Is Community good?” he looked at Connor for approval. He gave a small nod. They sat in silence nursing their beers, and watching tv for a while. Halfway through the third episode Mike paused it. Connor looked over at him quizzically. 

“What’s your last name?” Mike asked, clearly a little tipsy, although, so was Connor. 

“Wh-Whisk. Connor Whisk.” He stuttered in response.

“Connor Whisk, Connor whisk.” Mike said sing songy. “Connor Whisk, you are beautiful, and if I didn’t get confirmation that you were straight earlier, I would have kissed you by now.” Mike laughed. 

Connor’s mouth went dry. He didn’t know what to do. Sure, in the past he had thought some guys were cute, but not enough to make him want to act on it. Connor turned toward Mike. “You can kiss me.” Connor said with false confidence. 

Mike’s laughing faltered. “Wait. What? Are you sure? I don’t want to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do.” Mike sat up a little straighter while speaking. Connor just nodded and turned more towards Mike. Mike nodded in return and began leaning in super slow giving Connor plenty of time to change is mind. When he was about an inch from Connor’s face he stopped and looked into his eyes as if to check to make sure this was still ok. Connor’s eyes flicked down to Mike’s lips. 

Mike closed the gap between them. The kiss was soft. So soft. Almost like kissing a girl, but better. Mike pulled back, and Connor’s eyes fluttered open. Mike went in again this time putting a hand on the back of Connor’s neck, and pulling him in closer. This action caused Connor to gasp, and Mike deepened the kiss. He started licking into Connor’s mouth. Connor following his lead. Connor put his arms around Mike’s neck, and relaxed into the kiss. After a couple minutes of slow passionate making out, Connor pulled away. He looked into Mike’s eyes, and Mike looked back. 

All of a sudden, the reality of the situation set in, sobering him up instantly, Connor’s heart started pounding, and his breaths got short. “I have to go, I gotta go,” Connor said, standing up fast. Mike stood up, and put himself between Connor and the door. 

“Connor, breathe. It’s ok, we can talk about this.” Mike said, reaching out to stroke Connors biceps.

“No. Move. Please.” Connor begged with tears building in his eyes. Mike saw this, and moved to the side to let Connor out. Connor ran out the door and all the way back to his dorm. He didn’t want to be alone right now. He needed someone. He could call Ransom or Holster, they said they were there for him, but it’s 3am, and they are probably passed out. His roommate wasn’t home, and he was all alone. Connor sat on his bed letting his tears stream freely. About to give up and try to sleep when he remembered something. 

He left his dorm and went down the hall to Tango’s room. He knocked hoping Tango had come back after the Kegster. He wasn’t worried about waking his roommate though, because he went home to work on the weekends. He knocked again, louder. This time he heard someone groan on the other side. “I’m coming, one minute.” Tango said muffled from behind the door. “Now, what the fuck could anyone need right now?” Tango snarled as he opened the door. When Tango looked up, and saw Whiskey standing there with tear streaks, and fresh ones falling, his face softened. “Hey what’s wrong? Come here.” Tango pulled Whiskey into his room, and hugged him. Whiskey began sobbing against Tango, as Tango rubbed his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is internalized homophobia, and underage drinking in this chapter, so be weary of that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Trigger warnings at the bottom!

Whiskey continued to cry to Tango as they made their way over to Tango’s bed to sit down. “Whiskey, you have to calm down and tell me what’s wrong. I can’t help you, if I don’t know what’s going on.” Tango said while rubbing Whiskey’s bicep. They sat on Tango’s bed facing each other, Whiskey held his head in his hands. He was shaking and sobbing, but he couldn’t say anything to Tango. He couldn’t do it.

“Whiskey, whatever it is I’m sure everything will be fine. Should I call Ransom? Maybe he can help better than I can,” Tango suggested. That finally caused Whiskey to react.

“No! Don’t call Ransom. He’s probably asleep. I don’t want to bother him.” Whiskey said, franticly looking around the room. Suddenly Whiskey realized how dumb it was for him to come here in the first place. He wasn’t going to tell anyone what happened, so why would he seek out comfort? “I’m sorry for waking you up. I’m…I’m just…I’ll just leave.” Whiskey began to stand up, only to have Tango grab him by the wrist. 

“No, dude you showed up at my door at 3am, sobbing, and shaking. I’m not just gonna let you leave. Come on Connor, tell me what’s wrong.” Tango looked so sincere as he spoke. When Whiskey heard Tango use his first name it caused another round of emotions, and tears to spill. Whiskey essentially fell to the floor, pulled his knees up to his chest, and hid his face in his knees. Tango joined him on the floor, and rested a hand on his upper back.

“I just…I don’t know how to say it.” Whiskey said. Tango didn’t say anything, just waited for him to continue. “It’s just something happened tonight, and…I don’t know. I’m just scared.” Whiskey began crying harder. Tango pulled him into a side hug. 

“If you don’t want to tell me that’s ok, but something that made you this upset is a big deal, and you should talk to someone about it.” Tango whispered into his ear. Whiskey lifted his head to look into Tango’s eyes. He saw the worry, and the sincerity surrounding the words he just spoke to him. Whiskey took a deep breath.

“I kissed a guy tonight,” he waited for any bad of reaction from Tango, but saw nothing of judgement. He felt like he needed to explain himself, “and I really liked it and – “ he cut himself off with a choked sob. “I’m so fucked up Tony. I’ve spent my whole life fighting this. It isn’t fair that a guy I met 6 hours ago ruined it.” Whiskey started sobbing again hiding his face in his knees again.

Tango sat in shock, which caused him to create a silence through the room. He knew if he didn’t say something soon Whiskey would assume it was a bad reaction and leave, so he just started talking. “Connor, you are not fucked up. Please look at me.” Connor sniffled, and slowly made eye contact with Tango. Tango continued, “You are not fucked up. There isn’t anything wrong with guys wanting to kiss other guys. I know you probably think you don’t have anyone on your side, because you can’t talk about your feelings with the lax bros, but you have the entire hockey team. They care about you, maybe you should tell – “ Whiskey cut him off.

“No. I am not telling anyone ever. I can’t be like this. It’s wrong, and all I want is to be in the NHL. How many queer hockey players can you name Tony? None. I can’t…this was a mistake. I gotta go.” Whiskey stood up, and walked to the door. Tango grabbed his wrist as he opened the door. Whiskey looked back at him. Tango had a pleading look in his eyes. Whiskey yanked his wrist out on Tango’s grasp, and opened the door. Without turning back around Whiskey said, “please, please don’t tell anyone Tony.” His voice cracked as he spoke. With that he closed the door, and walked back to his dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of internalized homophobia


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings at the bottom like always! Enjoy!

It was a week before the hockey banquet, and Whiskey felt like he needed to apologize to Bitty, because he had never really gotten around to that. He made his way over the Haus on a Wednesday afternoon hoping Bitty didn’t have class then. When he opened the door, he was greeted by the smell of baked goods, Bitty was here. He walked towards the kitchen, and leaned against the door frame silently. Finally, Bitty turned around and jumped a little at the sight of the teen. 

“Good heavens Whiskey, you scared me.” Bitty said while moving around the kitchen. “Tango isn’t here, he usually doesn’t come over until dinner on Wednesdays.” Bitty explained, without looking up at him. 

“I know…I actually came to um…talk to you, maybe. If you like have time, or want to, you know what never mind this was a bad id – “ Bitty cut him off.

“Of course we can talk. I just didn’t think you would be looking for me, because well, you made it pretty clear you didn’t really like even being around me, let alone talking to me.” Bitty said. They walked over to the table and took seats across from each other. 

“I..I know, that’s why I’m here actually.” Whiskey rubbed the back of his neck. “I came over to apologize, I realized I hadn’t done that yet.” Bitty nodded at the statement, he had a very neutral look on his face. “So, I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m sorry Bitty. I don’t hate you. I just…you’re a little much sometimes, and your energy wears out my social battery. I know you probably think I’m a homophobe like everyone else on this team, but I promise…I…that’s not…I’m sorry.” Whiskey ended, and looked down at the table. 

“Ok, thank you.” Bitty said, and stood back up from the table. Whiskey sat there confused, Bitty sensed it. “Just because you apologize, doesn’t mean the person has to forgive you. Especially when you apologize 6 months after the incident occurred.” Bitty turned around to face Whiskey and leaned on the kitchen counter. “That isn’t to say that I will never forgive you Whiskey, but you hurt me…bad. I just need time, ok? Thank you very much for apologizing though, I know how hard it is to admit when you’re wrong.” Bitty nodded curtly and turned back around to what he was working on. “Would you like some pie?” Bitty asked him without looking over his shoulder.

“Uh, yeah…yes please.” Whiskey responded. Bitty pulled out a plate, and sliced a piece of the cherry pie that had just finished cooling. He served it to Whiskey at the table, and turned to resume his baking. Before Whiskey took a bite, he paused and looked in Bitty’s direction, “Hey Bitty,” he turned and looked at Whiskey. “Thanks…for the pie, and um giving me another chance.” Whiskey said with a crooked smile.

Bitty nodded and turned he attention back to the next pie, “Of course honey,” he replied in a sweet, but cautious tone. 

\--

A week later Bitty was named the next captain by a unanimous vote, and the week after that he, and Jack Zimmermann kissed center ice. 

Connor was watching the game with his family when it happened. He stared in shock not sure if he was seeing it right. A hush fell around his living room. When the camera finally pulled away from them his dad spoke up. “Well now that’s just wrong. How could they bring themselves to do that? To kiss another man? That’s disgusting. That’s your captain for next season?” he turned pointedly toward Connor.

He sunk down in the chair he was sitting in, “Um…yeah the uh…little blonde one. That’s um…Eric Bittle.” Connor said, nervous to hear what his dad was going to say about his captain. His dad scoffed.

“I can’t believe people on your team voted for him, even when they knew he was…ya know.” His dad threw his head back in disbelief. Connor just nodded, omitting the fact that he had also voted for him. “They should both be kicked off of their teams for this, I’m sure it makes everyone feel uncomfortable in the locker room. They are scoping out their next victim. That Jack Zimmermann was probably turned by the other one.” His dad continued to rant about how wrong it was, and the consequences that should be dealt for about 20 minutes, as Connor nodded and held back tears the entire time. Finally, he excused himself to his room.

When he got inside his room, he closed the door, and leaned his back up against it. Finally, he let all the tears fall. He fell into a similar position on the floor as he did that night in Tango’s room. He wanted to call Tango, to tell him what was happening. He wished he had kept in touch with Mike instead of never seeing him again. But he couldn’t call Tango, because he couldn’t say “hey Tony, my dad basically just admitted he would hate me because I like kissing boys lol,” because that would be admitting he was…ya know. He also let the ship sail with Mike, even though he reached out so many times on social media, because they had never exchanged numbers, Connor ignored him. He would’ve been the one person who would have understood, but he fucked that one up too. 

Instead Connor got into bed and cried for what felt like forever, until he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot of directed homophobia toward the center ice kiss.
> 
> Also some internalized homophobia toward the end.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this! I am really enjoying writing this! Trigger warnings in the notes at the bottom.

That summer Connor decided it would be best to put on his straight act for his family, as to avoid suspicion, because of the sudden outing of his captain. He ended up spending most of the summer working as a cashier at a local supermarket. When he wasn’t working, he was hanging out with his girlfriend who he hadn’t seen since spring break. Connor felt bad for her in a way. He knew she loved him so much, he could see it in the way she looked at him. It’s not that he didn’t love her, but he loved her like a best friend, he really cared about her, but he couldn’t push it that last step. 

\--

Connor was glad he had solved this thing with Bitty before the summer, but as the summer dragged on and their relationship was covered more a pit grew in Connor’s stomach. It was envy. Connor didn’t want to be out, or even admit that he might, maybe be into guys, but seeing Bitty and Jack’s faces plastered everyone, on every hockey magazine, and every pop culture magazine. Connor didn’t want to start resenting Bitty, because it wasn’t his fault that Connor couldn’t admit who he was to even himself, but seeing it everywhere made it so hard. 

By the time summer was finally over, and it was time to go back to Samwell the pit of envy had overtaken Connor’s mood. He started feeling physically ill every time he saw a picture of them, and one night when Connor had been drinking with his high school friends he typed out a very mean, very long message to Bitty about how gross it was they went public, and blah blah and other things he had heard had dad say about them, but never sent it. 

Whiskey moved back to Samwell 3 days before pre-season began. He and Tango were rooming together this year, so it would be a little bit harder to avoid the hockey team. He knew though if he didn’t at least avoid Bitty as much as he could he would say something mean out on envy, and he would be back at square one with his team. 

Whiskey got back to campus before Tango by a couple of hours, and decided he would walk over to the Haus a little bit early for the “team only welcome back celebration” as Bitty had called it. He also knew for a fact that everyone who was living in the Haus this year had moved back last week, so there would be people other than Bitty there. 

Whiskey walked into the Haus, and into the living room, but it was empty he got very confused until Bitty popped his head out from the doorway of the kitchen. 

“Oh, hello there Whiskey great to see you! I hope you had a good summer! The other boys are just out getting me some more pie ingredients. You can come sit here if you want to.” Bitty flashed a smile at him. Great, Whiskey came over here, because he thought there would be other people here to distract from the jealousy that lived inside him.

Whiskey nodded to Bitty, walked into the kitchen, and sat down at the table. He looked around the room awkwardly while Bitty continued to cook. After a couple minutes Whiskey felt super antsy, and had to either talk about something that could get his thoughts off Bitty, and his boyfriend, or he had to leave. He started talking. “So uh, where are Wicks and Ollie?” Whiskey asked knowing full well there was no way they went to the store with the other guys. 

“They’re at Ikea I guess, getting the last of the stuff for their room renovation, according to Ford they put in a king sized bed, and a chandelier, so they are going all out,” Bitty shook his head, and chuckled without turning away from his baking. Whiskey nodded, not that Bitty could see it, and the silence resumed in the room. Just as he felt like the tension inside him was about to burst and he would say something he might regret later, the front door slammed open.

“FUCK OFF NURSE, WE ARE NOT PUTTING A FUCKING DRUG RUG CARPET IN OUR FUCKING ROOM! NO!” Well Dex and Nursey were home. 

“Guys, please you have been fighting like the whole time we have been gone.” Oh, and there’s Chowder. Poor Chowder. He was constantly being put in the middle of their fights, this defused the heat in his stomach, because he remembered how much tension these types of blow outs caused within the team.

“Dude, seriously, just chill out. It was on sale, and you said you wanted a carpet for the middle of the room. Really you should be thanking me.” Nursey said as he walked into the kitchen with Dex and Chowder. Whiskey was pretty sure he could hear Dex’s eye twitch at that.

Before Dex could blow up Bitty intervened. “Hello boys, Whiskey is here isn’t that nice? You should say hi to him, catch up maybe. Take a seat and breathe, I don’t know. Calm activities.” Bitty did all this with a shit eating grin, but what sounded like full sincerity in his voice.

All at once the frogs noticed Whiskey’s presence and walked to sit down around the table with him. “Hey Whiskey!” Chowder said with a huge smile on his face, probably just relieved for the instant distraction for his feuding best friends. “Where’s Tango?” he asked, probably confused, because he never came over here without Tango. 

“Oh, um…he isn’t getting back until 4…I had an uh…early flight this morning, so I thought I would come over instead of sitting in our dorm alone until he got back.” He could see Dex roll his eyes, because apparently, he hadn’t even forgiven him for last December. 

Dex crossed his arms and muttered under his breath, “wow, nice of you to finally pick us over the LAX bros.” Instantly Whiskey’s eyes fell to his hands that were in his lap, while everyone else’s glared at Dex. 

“Well he came over here all on his own, because he wanted to see us, isn’t that nice Dex?” Bitty said through gritted teeth. Dex just scoffed in response. 

Whiskey hesitated for a minute before standing up. “I can go. I’ll um…I’ll come back with uh…Tango.” He began walking towards the door with slumped shoulders. Nursey grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him back into the chair. 

“No, you aren’t leaving, because we want you here. Poindexter just gets a little cranky when he misses his afternoon nap. Isn’t that right Dexy?” Nursey said cooing the last part at Dex. Dex grimaced and opened his mouth to say something hurtful to either him or Nursey, he couldn’t tell, but then Chowder kicked his shin under the table effectively shutting him up. 

“Yeah,” Dex said through gritted teeth while rubbing his shin and glaring at Chowder. Who had a very smug smile on his face. 

\--

Later that night when everyone had finally arrived, they began the festivities. Bitty put out a spread of just about any baked good you could think of, he made everyone’s individual favorite dish. He also made a lot of appetizers for them to snack on if the sweets were too much. They put in a movie and all settled into the living room. Chowder, Dex, and Nursey sitting on the couch. Bitty sitting in a new chair. Wicks and Ollie sitting in the recliner together (there had to be something going on there). The waffles all laying in front of the couch propped up on their elbows, and Whiskey, Tango, and Ford sitting on the floor, with their backs up against the front of the couch. 

A couple movies, and too many pies later it was 2am, and the frogs had promptly all fallen asleep tangled within each other. Bitty yawned and stood up, turning off the tv. “Alright y’all, time for some shut eye, but don’t wake them,” he said pointing to the frogs. “Oh goodness, I forgot someone has to walk y’all home,” he said turning towards the waffles. 

Whiskey paused for a beat, “I can…I’ll walk them.” He said with a shy smile. Bitty beamed at him and nodded, patting each of them on the back before heading upstairs. Whiskey, Tango, Ford, and the waffles muttered their “goodnights” to Wicks and Ollie before they walked out the door. 

They separated about halfway through campus, because Ford lived on the opposite end from them, and Whiskey had to walk the waffles to the freshman dorms. “Goodnight Ford,” Whiskey said as they split up. “Um, Tango, our dorm is to the left, “ he chuckled. 

Tango nodded, “I know, but why should you have to walk home alone, we literally live together.” Whiskey shrugged and continued to walk. After they dropped off the waffles, Whiskey and Tango, walked back to their dorm in silence, but not awkward silence, a peaceful type of silence.

When they got back to their room, they got ready for bed, and turned out the lights. “Hey Whiskey,” Tango said, breaking through the darkness. He didn’t say anything but turned toward Tango’s bed. “I know that the team might not be your favorite set of people, but thank you for giving them a real chance. We care about you.” Whiskey made a happy sound in response.

He smiled in Tango’s direction, and rolled back over, “Goodnight Tango,” he whispered too quiet for him to hear. He fell asleep very quickly that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Themes of Internalized and directed homophobia.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always the trigger warnings are in the notes at the bottom :)

The first half of the fall semester was going very smooth on Whiskey’s end. He had somehow managed to actually split his time between SMH and the LAX bros, without causing too much contention. It was now the beginning of October, and he had managed to kinda just avoid Bitty outside of group functions. His girlfriend came to visit the last week of September, because she had been begging to visit him at school. When she visited, he made sure she steered clear of the Haus, because he was scared of the questions that his teammates would ask her, and was worried it might raise suspicion. 

But tonight, he was going to relax. The LAX bros were having a kickback, and Chad P. begged him to come, because he hadn’t come to any of their parties yet this semester, and to be honest he missed the LAX parties. They were just less pressure to put on a mask of who he was. 

When he got there, he grabbed a drink, and walked around trying to find Chad P., because he had asked him to come. Whiskey found him upstairs on the landing of the house talking to someone who was either a freshman, or a transfer in, because he had definitely never seen him before. 

“Hey Chad,” Whiskey said placing his hand on Chad’s shoulder causing him to turn around. He had a look of pleasant surprise on his face.

“Brooooo, oh my god, I’m so glad you came, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” They had literally just had lunch together yesterday, that was when he asked him to come to the party, but Chad was clearly fucked up already, and it was only 10. “I missed you dude, oh shit. Connor this is Noah!” Chad introduced him suddenly remembered that Noah was still standing there. “Noah here is one of our new freshman, I’ve decided to take him under my wing,” He laughed and almost fell over in the process.

“Hi Noah, I’m Connor, and if this is the Chad you have chosen to be your mentor…good luck,” Connor laughed. Chad punched him on the shoulder and faked a frown. 

“Nice to meet you Connor, and honestly I didn’t choose one we were all assigned one,” Noah joked back at him. He made sure to smile at Chad though, to make sure he got the joke. 

“Ok, well I know when I’m not wanted,” Chad feigned hurt dramatically throwing the back of his hand over his forehead. “I guess I’ll leave now, but just know if either of you find it in your hearts to love me again, I’ll be mackin’ with a babe, and don’t interrupt me, alright see ya losers later.” Chad then ran down the stairs and into the basement to what Connor could only presume was to “mack out with a babe,” or something. 

Connor laughed, “wow he really is something isn’t he.” Noah nodded also laughing. 

“You were his roommate, right? He got super sloshed last weekend, and wouldn’t stop talking about how much he missed living with you. I think he might have a crush on you.” Noah laughed. Connor faked a gag noise. 

“Oh my god, ew, no. Chad P. is like my brother, I don’t think I could ever...yeah, yuck, I’m good.” Connor started laughing. 

“My drink’s empty, I’m gonna go get another want to come? Or you can stay upstairs alone, whatever you want.” Noah said. Connor looked down in his cup realizing that he drank that drink way too fast, and now needed another as well. He nodded, tipping his cup towards Noah showing his empty cup. “Great,” Noah led the way. 

They made their way into the kitchen and there was a crowd of people, so much for the party being lowkey. They both grabbed another drink. Noah turned to him, “Dude, are you good? It looks like you saw a ghost, you’re like super pale, do you feel ok?” Connor nodded, but let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in. Noah looked at him skeptically. 

Connor exhaled again this time looking at the ground, “I just don’t do too well in big crowds when I’m not prepared. I just…Chad told me it was supposed to be a kick back.” Noah nodded, and was about to say something when the music seemed to increase by 500 decibels.

Noah leaned in close to Connor’s ear, “do you want to go upstairs into Chad P.’s room? Just to like gather yourself and take a break?” Noah pulled back looking sympathetic. Connor nodded shyly, because wow what a great first impression. “Hi, my name is Connor, you just met me, and now I’m having a panic attack.” Only Connor he swears.

They made there way up the stairs and into Chad’s room. They could still hear the music, but mostly they could feel the beat through the floor, and a rumble of music. Connor sat down on Chad’s bed as Noah sat down at his desk chair. “Sorry about that, I just sometimes…I just…I don’t know. I’m sorry.” Connor said while putting his drink on the bed side table, and wringing his hands out. Noah took a sip from his drink and shook his head. 

“Dude, I totally get it, my ex boyf used to get panic attacks all the time, I’m kinda an expert at dealing with them,” Noah laughed. Connor looked up at him, how had he managed to once again find like one of the only gay guy in this house at a party. This time though, Connor didn’t react, because it did him so well last time. Connor opted to nod instead. 

After about 15 minutes of silence, Noah began asking Connor questions to get to know him better, and this was how they discovered they both loved Marina and The Diamonds. This sparked an almost hour-long conversation, but it felt like 15 minutes. At some point Noah had migrated over to the bed with Connor. He realized how hard the alcohol was hitting him tonight, he wasn’t gone, or anything, but he was definitely drunk. It seemed that Noah was having the same experience, because he kept playfully pushing Connor, and making the most dramatic gasping noises when Connor said something controversial. 

They got into a small tiff about their favorite songs. Connor’s was Bubblegum Bitch, and Noah’s was I am not a Robot, and Noah insisted his selection was better. “Dude I am not a Robot is a classic, Bubblegum Bitch does not hold a candle to it”, Noah laughed and hopped up onto his knees on the bed, so he was facing Connor. 

Connor laughed and turned towards him, “yeah sure, keep telling yourself that, one day maybe it’ll come true.” Connor continued to laugh as did Noah. 

Noah pushed his shoulder lightly, “you’re such an asshole.” Noah laughed. Connor turned his body so that his left leg was bent onto the bed, and his right leg was anchored on the floor. 

“Oh yeah I’m such an asshole for being right,” Connor pushed playfully at Noah’s sternum. Noah just gasped and pushed him back. Thus, started the war of pushing. After about 10 minutes of wrestling on the bed, and laughing the war ended with Connor pinning down Noah. 

“Ok, ok, I give. You win Bubblegum Bitch is the better song,” Noah sputtered out in between laughed and ragged breaths. Connor was laughing too. Connor opened his eyes and looked down at Noah as he stopped laughing too. Connor had been with him all night, and hadn’t realized what a beautiful shade of green his eyes were, or how well it complimented his red hair. They stayed like that staring at each other for a couple minutes. Until, Connor saw as Noah’s eyes flicked down to look at his lips, and then back up. Connor wanted to tell himself it was the alcohol, or he was high, but the truth was he wasn’t very drunk anymore, and he hadn’t smoked that night. 

He leaned in and kissed Noah. Just a peck, and then he pulled back looking for hesitation, or regret in Noah’s eyes; he found none, so he leaned back in. This time with more passion, he swiped his tongue across Noah’s bottom lip, asking permission. Noah opened his mouth, and flipped them so he was now on top on Connor. 

Noah bit his bottom lip which elicited a moan from Connor. Noah pulled off and moved to Connor’s neck, sucking on his pulse. This caused Connor’s hips to buck up in search of friction. Noah started grinding his hips into Connor’s and he moved down his neck to his collar bone. Connor moaning as Noah continued to suck marks onto his neck. Noah ran his tongue from his collar bone up to his jaw causing Connor to whimper, and his hips to buck again. 

Noah braced himself with his elbows on either side of Connor’s head while he continued to lick and suck up and down his neck and jaw. Connor could feel how hard Noah was above him, he reached his arms around and fisted both of his hands into Noah’s shirt, balling up the fabric. He could feel the heat building in his groin, and he knew he was close. Right then the bedroom door slammed open. 

“Hey! I don’t know who you think you are but get the fuck ou-, “ it was Chad P. he yelled as he opened the door, but stopped once who recognized who they were. Noah rolled off Connor, and Connor sat up straight. “Oh, I didn’t realize it was you guys its chill-.” Connor stood up, cutting him off, it was almost like a standoff between him and Chad. Connor could feel the tears in his eyes, he just wanted to get out of there. Noah didn’t say anything just looked between the two men. “Dude, Connor it’s ok. I didn’t know you were g-,” Connor cut him off by yelling. 

“I’M NOT. I’M NOT.” He shook his head. “I’m not.” He whispered sounding like he was losing momentum. Chad walked toward him. 

“Hey bro, it’s ok, I don’t care, you don’t need to pretend-“ Chad trailed off, putting his hand on Connor’s shoulder bringing him back to reality. His head snapped up, and met Chad’s eyes. Before he could say anything else Connor booked it out of the room, and back to his dorm. 

Connor felt lightheaded, like he was experiencing déjà vu, from last semester. He made it back to his building. As he took the elevator up to his floor, he prayed that Tango wouldn’t be there. He didn’t want to talk about it. When he opened their door, Tango was sitting in his bed watching Netflix on his computer. He looked up to greet Whiskey, but saw the state of him, and stopped. 

Whiskey stripped out of his clothes, and down to just his boxers. He threw himself into bed. He heard Tango’s bed creek. “Hey Connor…are you alright?” Whiskey just silently sobbed, his whole body shaking. “Hey, do you want to talk about it?” Whiskey shook his head at Tango’s question. “Ok,” Tango turned off their bedroom light, and walked back over to Whiskey’s bed. “Do you want me to lay with you?” Whiskey let out an audible whimper, and turned his head over his shoulder to look at Tango.

“Yes, please,” he said as his voice cracked. He scooched in farther on the bed, to make room for Tango. He climbed in bed behind him, and wrapped his arms around Whiskey. Tango didn’t say anything as Whiskey cried just laid there one arm around Whiskey’s waist, and the other carding his fingers through Whiskey’s hair. After about an hour Whiskey had finally fallen asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild sexual activity (nothing graphic)  
> Underage drinking  
> Panic attacks  
> and internalized homophobia


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your ongoing support! Trigger warnings in the notes at the bottom.

When Whiskey woke up the next morning Tango was still wrapped around him, and he had a throbbing headache, not from the alcohol, but from the crying Whiskey groaned as he opened his eyes and the light from the window flooded in. This caused Tango to stir. He pulled away from Whiskey’s body and stretched. 

“Good Morning,” Tango said through a yawn. “How did you sleep?” He opened his eyes and looked at Whiskey. He had bloodshot eyes, and tear marks all down his face. Tango frowned and sat up in Whiskey’s bed. “You know, you should probably talk about it. Whatever ‘it’ is,” Tango said softly. Whiskey nodded, but stayed quiet. “I’m not saying it has to be with me, it can be with anyone, but you should talk about it.” There was a pause as if he was waiting for Whiskey to say something. He was about to say something else, but Whiskey began speaking. 

“It happened again.” Whiskey could feel the tears forming in his eyes again, but held them back not wanting to look weak. “But this time…it was different.” Tango just nodded, and let him speak. Whiskey put his back against the wall, and closing his eyes. “This time…um…we…I…” Whiskey stopped and let out a sigh. Tango reached out and grabbed one of his hands anchoring him. 

Whiskey looked up at his best friend, who had eyes full of compassion, and understanding. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes again, “this time we didn’t just kiss…we…he…” He opened his eyes and looked up at Tango, “I got hard Tony,” Whiskey whispered. Tango just nodded waiting for him to continue. “I really liked it Tony. I think I really like him. I’m scared.” He whispered the last part. Whiskey pulled his hand away from Tango and hid his face in his knees. 

Tango scooched closer to Whiskey, and hugged him. “Hey Connor, you are my best friend, and nothing you could say will change that.” Whiskey let out a shaky breath. “I know this is hard, but you have a huge support system.” Tango pulled back and tilted Whiskey’s head, so they were making eye contact. “The team is your family too. I’m sure your siblings and your parents would still lo-.” Whiskey started shaking his head furiously. 

“No, they wouldn’t. I have heard my dad say he would rather be dead then have a fa-faggot sleeping under his roof.” And there it was. Whiskey’s confession, not only to Tango, but also himself. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do Tony. I love my family, but they won’t love me if I tell them this. I just want to make them proud, go into the NHL.” Tango nodded and pulled him into a hug again. 

\--

After about 4 hours he had calmed down. He decided to shower, and insisted that Tango go to team brunch without him, and that he would be fine. He hadn’t checked his phone all morning, knowing it was going to be flooded with texts from Chad P. He finally looked after he was dressed. 

*12 New Messages*

Chad P.: Hey Connor, its ok. I’m not gonna tell anyone, neither is Noah.

Chad P.: Connor, please text me back.

Chad P.: I gave your number to Noah; he’s really worried. So am I.

Chad P.: Connor, please just let me know you’re alive.

Chad P.: Please don’t do anything stupid. I love you man.

Chad P.: Connor, I’m scared. Please dude answer me. Send me to voice mail immediately, anything. 

Chad P.: If you don’t answer me by noon I’m coming to your dorm.

Whiskey looked up at the clock. It was 12:15, which meant that it was probably too late to answer Chad back, and he should be expecting him any minute. The other 5 messages weren’t from Chad, but from an unknown number, who he assumed was Noah based on the fact that Chad had given him his number. He saved his contact.

Noah: Hey, it’s Noah, Chad gave me your number. Please let me know you’re alright. 

Noah: Connor I am so sorry. I had no idea you weren’t out, or that you were straight, or whatever. I’m sorry. 

Noah: I know you ran out of the room, but I’m really worried about you, I know we just met, but I had a lot of fun last night.

Noah: I think I really like you. 

Noah: Please text me back. I want to know you’re ok.

After he finished reading the last message there was a pounding on the door. He knew it was Chad. For a second he thought about not opening it, but then realized he would probably call 911 based on how he had left last night. He got up, and walked to the door. He took one last deep breath and opened it. 

Chad had his fist raised as if he were gonna knock again. When he saw Connor a wave on relief rushed over his face. He barreled into the room, pulling him into a hug. “Oh my god Connor. I have never been so worried in my entire life. I’m so happy you’re ok…” he pulled back and looked at Connor’s still bloodshot eyes, “physically,” he added in. 

Connor looked up at him. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I silenced my phone last, night I hadn’t looked at it until like 10 minutes ago. I’m sorry.” Connor walked back and sat on his bed, silently inviting Chad to as well. “I’m sorry about last night, we shouldn’t have…at all…but especially in your bed…I’m…I just…” Connor began to tear up again, he started wondering how many more tears he had left in him, because surly he was running low. 

Chad looked over at him, “bro I do not give a flying fuck about what you two were doing in my bed. I’m worried about you. You ran out of there like I had just caught you murdering someone, and you were fleeing the scene. Bro…are you…” Chad didn’t say it, because last night he had almost said it and caused Connor to panic, so he just looked at him, because Connor knew what he was asking. 

Connor hung his head and let out a shaky breath, “…I think so.” His tears fell automatically, no sobbing, no noise, just tears. He looked up at Chad. “I’m scared. I can’t be…I want to go pro. The only out hockey player is Jack fucking Zimmermann, and he is the wonder child, and the son on bad Bob. I’m…I’m nothing. And if I am…my family will disown me, and I’ll break Isabelle’s heart, and I’ll fuck everything up.” Connor and Chad kept eye contact the whole time. Chad nodded.

“Was your um roommate with you last night?” Connor nodded. “Good, dude the only reason I came up was because someone went to the bathroom, and they heard you two laughing, and obviously I didn’t know it was you guys or else I would have just left it. I’m sorry for making you feel judged or frantic or whatever. I would never care about that shit.” Chad put a hand on his shoulder. “I uh…think you should text back Noah, even if you don’t want to continue anything with him, you did kinda run out, and I think you owe him to at least let him down, and not just ghost him.” Connor nodded. He knew he was right. Noah had done nothing wrong last night, he needed to text him. 

“I will, I think…maybe I do want to see him again, but it’s wrong, right?” Chad shook his head. 

“Nothing about you is wrong Connor. Just because you like guys doesn’t make you wrong, or broken. I love you dude. Please text me tomorrow, let me know you’re good.” Connor nodded, and Chad got up and left the room. 

Connor grabbed his phone to text Noah.

Connor: Hey.

The reply was nearly instant 

Noah: Hey, how are you?

Connor: Better than when you last saw me. I’m sorry about that. I’ve never been like that with a guy, or frankly even accepted that I might like guys.

Noah: Yeah, I gathered that much. So, was last night just 1 night?

Connor stared at his phone thinking over the question. He knew what he wanted to say, but he also knew what he should say “yes, I’m sorry, I actually have a girlfriend who I love very much, and am very straight,” but he’s pretty sure Noah would see through that lie. So, he sat and contemplated for a minute, before crafting a message. 

Connor: I hope not. Lunch tomorrow?

Noah: Yes please :). In the dining hall?

Connor: Sounds great.

Noah: Sounds like a date.

Connor blushed at his phone; he had an actual date with an actual guy. He texted back.

Connor: That sounds even more great.

With that Connor put his phone down and let out a sigh of relief, he was really gonna try and do this. He had never felt all these emotions before, but they were good, and he couldn’t stop smiling. Just then Tango walked back in the room. 

“What’s got you all smiley? When I left you still just remnants of a wreck.” Tango hung up his coat, and sat on his bed across from Whiskey. 

Whiskey half-smiled back, and shrugged his shoulders, “I think I have a date tomorrow,” Tango looked frozen in shock, but it morphed into a smile. He jumped off the bed and tackled Whiskey into a hug on his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is the usage of a homophobic slur, so be cautious   
> Internalized homophobia


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is seriously just smut. Hope you enjoy

Noah and Connor had been seeing each other for a month, well technically they hadn’t put any labels to it, but they had been going on dates for a month. The only people who knew were Tango, and Chad. Both had kept their promise not to tell anyone. It was the first weekend in November, and Tango had gone home, which meant he would have the dorm all to himself. Obviously, he had immediately invited over Noah. 

Connor: Tango is gone for the weekend spend the night?

Noah: I’ll be there at 6 ;)

Connor smiled at his phone he couldn’t believe how well this was working. He and Noah spent as much time as they could together. Although, they hadn’t passed the threshold of anything more than a handy. Noah knew that Connor had a mental block, and he would never pressure him to do anything, but he thought maybe tonight he was ready for at least some of it, but better to be safe than sorry. He texted Chad P.

Connor: Hey could you do me a pretty big favor?

Chad P.: For sure man, what’s up?

Connor: Can you go to the Stop ‘N Shop and get lube and condoms?

Chad P.: Bro! Of course I can! But why can’t you do it?

Connor: The team goes there a lot of random shit; I can’t risk any of them seeing me buying that stuff. There is no excuse for me to have it.

Chad P.: Makes sense, going now. Be there in 10.

Connor: Thank you so much dude!

\--

That night Connor and Noah had ordered pizza for dinner, because they didn’t really do public dates, they were too risky. After dinner they laid down in Whiskey’s bed and pulled up Netflix to watch a movie. “What should we watch?” Connor asked Noah.

Noah looked Connor up and down and put his right hand on Connor’s cheek, and began rubbing his cheek bone with his thumb. “Something boring,” Noah whispered into his ear. Connor had no idea how he made that simple statement sexy, but he did. Connor closed his laptop, and placed it on his bed side table as Noah started nibbling on his ear lobe. Connor moaned lightly, and turned his head toward Noah. He leaned in and began kissing him. 

This had not started out like any other kiss they had ever had. Usually they started out slow working up to passionate, but this kiss was needy right away. Noah rolled on top of Connor immediately grinding his hips down. Connor moaned into the kiss reaching up and pulling at Noah’s hair. Noah moaned at the feeling, and ground his hips down harder. 

“Oh my god baby, you feel so good” Noah whispered into Connor’s ear. They had never gotten very far, but what Noah did know about him was that Connor Whisk loves dirty talk, not really doing it, but being talked to. He ground his hips down again, latching his mouth to Connor’s throat. Connor started letting out a string of whimpers. Noah pulled back, and sat up straddling Connor. He grabbed the bottom of Connor’s shirt, “How about we get this off, I wanna see how pretty you are.” Connor bit his lip and sat up enough to take off his shirt. 

Noah took off his shirt too. “Oh wow honey, look at how beautiful you are,” he rubbed his hand down Connor’s torso. Connor moaned as Noah tweaked both of his nipples. “Oh, so needy, huh baby?” Connor whimpered in response. Noah snapped out of his sexy mind set for a second, he needed to get his consent before he was too far lost in the pleasure. 

“Hey Coco,” Connor looked up at him when he heard the nick name. “What do you want to do, I need you to tell me. I don’t want to cross a line.” Connor nodded. 

Connor tended to lose his voice during these things, because he was scared, or even embarrassed, to ask for what he wanted. Noah knew this, so he didn’t pressure him to answer, just waited. Connor closed his eyes, and let out a deep breath, “I want you to fuck me.” That caught Noah very much off guard, because they most they had ever done was hand jobs, because Connor thought blow jobs were gross. 

Noah looked for any doubt as Connor reopened his eyes. “Are you sure baby?” Connor nodded. “Ok, if you want me to stop just tell me to ok, I will stop at any point ok?” Connor nodded again. “Ok, then we gotta get these off honey.” Noah stood up and took off his own pants and boxers, while Connor slid is off on the bed. Noah stared at how beautiful his boyfriend(?) was. “Do you have lube and condoms?” Connor just pointed to the drawer in his nightstand. Noah got the stuff and got back on the bed in-between Connor’s legs.

“Have you ever done this to your self before honey?” Connor shook his head. “Ok then I’ll go really slow. Noah slicked up one finger with probably too much lube, but he was just being careful. He slid his finger in between Connor’s cheeks, and began teasing him. Connor moaned at just that little bit of contact. Slowly Noah started pushing his first finger past his rim. Connor scrunched his face. Noah paused, “do you need me to stop?”

Connor shook his head, “I’m ok, keep going.” So, Noah did. He pushed his finger in until it was to the last knuckle. Connor moaned as he began to adjust to the feeling.

“I’m gonna move ok, and let me know if anything is too much.” Connor nodded. Noah began moving his finger slowly, Connor moaning as he went. After a while he started moving his finger fast, fucking into Connor. “Can I add another one?” Connor whimpered and nodded. After about 30 minutes he had 4 fingers inside Connor. “Oh baby, you look so good for me. Taking my fingers like a champ, I’m gonna fuck you with them now.” Connor let out a loud moan as he began moving. 

He started slow, to stretch Connor out. After he was sure he was stretched enough he began moving faster. He began fucking him roughly with his fingers. “Oh my god honey, you look beautiful. Look at your cock twitch for me.” Connor let out a whimper that almost sounded like a cry. His dick was laying against his stomach pooling pre-come on his abs. Just then Noah curled his fingers up, and found Connor’s prostate. 

“OH MY FUCKING GOD!” Connor screamed, “do that again.” So, Noah did. He held his fingers against Connor’s prostate eliciting moans, whimpers, and screams from his lover. “Oh my god, I need you inside me now. Please. I want to feel you.” Noah was shocked, he had never heard Connor talk like that during any other sexual encounter, but he was so pleased. He pulled his fingers out rolled on the condom, and slathered some lube on himself. 

“Ok, baby this might hurt a little bit, and you might feel some pressure, but just let me know if you need me to stop.” Connor agreed with his head thrown back, and eyes closed. Noah slowly began push in. He knew if you needed him to stop, he would say something, so he kept going, until we was all the way in. “Fuck baby. Fuck. You look so good with my cock inside of you,” Connor whimpered. He stayed still for a couple of minutes to let Connor adjust around his dick. 

“Move, please move. I want you to fuck me. Break me. Please.” This was a side of Connor Noah had never seen before. He never seemed to be into rough sex, but here he was asking Noah to “break him”. Noah obliged, and began moving. He started slow, which Connor seemed to be content with for a little bit. But then he opened his eyes and looked Noah in the eyes, “Noah, I need you to fuck me, please. I’m not made of glass. I want you to break me open.” That got Noah going. 

He lifted both of Connor’s legs over his shoulders for better leverage, and began pounding into him. Connor started shaking almost immediately. “Oh my fuck, baby. You like this? huh? You like being a slut for my cock?” Connor whimpered so loud he’s pretty sure the entire building knew he was getting fucked. “Oh yeah, just how I like it. Fuck baby, you are so beautiful. Just for me, right?” Connor moaned.

“Yes daddy,” Connor said that, and both of them paused for a minute looking at each other. It looked like he was going to apologize to Noah, but Connor saw his eyes turn dark. He started pounding into him even faster, and harder. 

“Oh yeah baby? You like daddy’s cock, don’t you? Want daddy to fuck you all night long, huh?” Connor was essentially screaming at this point, because with each thrust Noah was nailing his prostate. Noah reached down between them, and grabbed Connor’s dick. He began stroking it mercilessly.

“Daddy, oh my god, please. Can I come? Please. Can I?” Connor begged. It was probably one of the hottest things that Noah had ever seen in his entire life. But, Noah didn’t answer, he wanted to see if Connor would really wait for his permission. “Daddy please, please. I’ve been so good. Please let me come, daddy.” Noah’s eyes rolled back in his head.

“Yes baby, you have been so good for me, you can come.” With that Connor arched his back off the bed and came while screaming “daddy”, and Noah was still pounding into him and stroking him. After Connor was done it took two more thrusts for Noah to come. He continued to thrust through the aftershocks, and then pulled out. 

He collapsed beside Connor on the bed. “Fuck Connor, that was…wow,” Noah said breathlessly. Noah looked over at Connor. He had his face covered. “Hey baby, are you ok?” Noah pulled away one of the hands from his face. Connor was crying.

“That was my first time,” Noah nodded, knowingly. “No, you don’t get it, like my first time…ever.” Noah just stared in shock. Connor’s lip began trembling. 

“Hey no, honey. Come here.” Noah pulled him into his chest. “That was amazing, you are so beautiful. I’m so glad I got to share this moment with you. You are so fucking perfect.” All of a sudden Noah became very aware of the sticky mess quickly drying on their stomachs. “Hey, I’m gonna go get a washcloth ok?” Connor whimpered, but nodded. Noah returned with a damp washcloth, and took extra time to wipe down Connor to show him how much he cared about him. 

After they were both clean, Noah climbed back into bed with Connor. He pulled the covers up over both of them. Noah whispered into Connor’s ear, “you’re still coming to that party, tomorrow right?” Connor turned himself so he was facing Noah. 

“Yeah, it’s the one party that hockey players are forbidden to go to, so there is no chance anyone I know will see us, which means we get to be all coupley in public.” Connor smiled tiredly. Noah nodded in response. 

“Good, now turn back around, you need comfort after sex, and I’m more than happy to give it to you.” Connor turned back around. Noah pulled Connor as close to him as he could, and kissed the back of his head. “Goodnight baby, you’re so perfect.” Those were the last words Connor heard before he fell asleep in Noah’s arms.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please make sure to read the trigger warnings before reading this chapter. They are in the notes at the bottom. I also used direct quotes from the comic to keep this as canon compliant as possible, so credit to Ngozi.

When Connor woke up, he was still encased in Noah’s arms and he had never felt more at ease in his life. When he went to adjust himself, he felt a shock of pain run up his spine starting at his tailbone. “Holy fuck, ow,” he hissed. The noise quickly woke up Noah. 

“Hey, are you ok? What’s wrong?” He asked sitting up in Connor’s bed. Connor tried to sit up, but another shockwave of pain roared up his spine. His face contorted into one of pain. “Hey, careful here, let’s just flip you over.” Noah helped Connor flip over onto his right side, so he was facing him. 

“I think I’m just really sore,” Connor reached around to rub at his aching bottom. Noah laid back down facing him. He pulled Connor close and replaced Connor’s hand with own where it was resting behind him. He pulled him into a sweet kiss. He pulled back and looked into Connor’s eyes.

“I’m sorry baby, do you want me to get you some ibuprofen or something?” Connor nodded. Noah kissed Connor’s forehead and got out of bed to get some medicine and water for him. When he came back he handed the pills to Connor. “Honey, you have to sit up to take them or else you’re gonna spill water all over yourself, or choke.” Connor got a look of fear in his eyes. “It’s ok, I’ll help you.” He put the water on the nightstand and helped Connor get into a sitting position. Connor hissed as his full body weight was put onto his ass. 

Noah handed Connor the water, and sat back down cross legged in-front of him. Connor swallowed the pills and handed the glass back to Noah, who put it back on the stand. Noah began rubbing Connor’s leg gently. “Thanks,” Connor said in a quiet voice, almost as if he was embarrassed. Noah leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, and tilted his face up at him. 

“Darling, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. You were so beautiful last night.” Connor looked up so that he was making eye contact with Noah. “I’m sorry if I did anything that you regret,” Noah said and began rubbing his thumb over Connor’s cheek bone. 

Connor shook his head, “I don’t regret any of it, I guess…I’m just embarrassed, because you shouldn’t have to take care of me like this, “ he gestured between them. “Last night you took care of me after, and now…I just feel bad.” Connor lowered his eyes again.

“Hey baby,” Noah said trying to get him to look up, but his gaze stayed stuck on his hands. “I love taking care of you. You don’t have to be embarrassed. If I didn’t want to do it I wouldn’t, because I know you can take care of yourself, but I want to. Ok?” Connor looked back up and nodded. Noah smiled at him, and gently pulled him into a kiss.

\--

That night they got ready for the party. Connor was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a red hoodie. Noah decided to wear a LAX shirt, because that was technically his in at this party, and a pair of jeans. “Wow babe, you look fucking irresistible even in a god damn hoodie. How do you do it?” Noah looked Connor up and down. Connor blushed, and ducked his head. Noah stepped forward, putting his hand under Connor’s chin. “I’m serious darling, you look amazing.” Noah pulled Connor into another kiss. 

Connor had definitively decided that kissing Noah was now his favorite thing to do ever. No matter what the style of it, even the sweetest kisses felt the most explosive with him. “You look amazing too,” Connor whispered in his ear. Noah pulled back with blown out eyes.

“Keep talking like that, and I don’t think we’ll make it to the party,” Noah growled. Connor laughed and pushed Noah’s shoulder. “Come on let’s go,” Noah said grabbing Connor’s hand and leading him out the door. 

\--

The night was going perfectly, they were in a crowded basement, so no one could see them. Connor was up against the wall with Noah in front of him. “I’m so happy right now,” Noah leaned into Connor’s ear. Connor shot a smile up at him. “Can I kiss you?” Noah was only asking because they were in public, and didn’t want to push a boundary of Connor’s. He nodded back at him. Noah bent down and closed the gap between them. The kiss was gentle, but passionate. Noah pulled back and looked into his eyes. They began a slow, zealous, make out session. 

Connor felt like he was surrounded by warmth. He couldn’t stop smiling into the kiss. When they came back up for air a couple minutes later Connor made eye contact with Noah and leaned back in, but just then he heard someone say his name. “Whiskey?” The voice echoed in his head. He looked up and made direct eye contact with Bitty. His heart began racing, he pushed himself past Noah, and ran up the stairs. 

Once Connor got outside, he started running, but was stopped by a hand on his wrist. “Wait.” The person behind him said, he turned around to see Bitty. “It’s okay. I didn’t…or I’m not…” Connor yanked his wrist out of his grasp and continued to run. 

He ran all the way back to his dorm. His phone blowing up with calls from Noah, and in-between calls there were texts. Connor couldn’t look at them right now. He couldn’t breathe. Now his captain knew his secret, the one he had been trying so hard to not let out. He needed to do something, but he didn’t know what. His eyes darted around the room, landing on Tango’s swiss army knife that was on his desk. 

Whiskey began crying as he walked over to it, and picked it up. He didn’t have anybody. Tango wasn’t there. There was no way Noah would want him after the second time he had run out on him. He sat down on his bed with the knife. He thought about his family and how they wouldn’t love him anymore. He thought about the hockey team, and how they would hate him, because he was a hypocrite. 

The tears began to blur his vision. He opened up the knife. Took a deep breath and ran it across his inner bicep. His face morphed into one of pain as he ran it over his skin several more times. His tears subsided, and he looked down noticing the blood slowly dripping down his arm. The realization of the situation hit him. He couldn’t believe he just did that. He threw the bloodied knife on the ground. He began trying to clean up the wounds. He held paper towels to his arm.

There was a knock on the door. It was either Bitty or Noah, and honestly, he wasn’t sure which one he would prefer right now. He sat there contemplating not opening it for a minute. The knock turned into a pound, and then the person yelled. “Connor, open up please.” It was Noah. Connor felt new tears forming in his eyes. He stood up and walked over to the door, still holding the paper towel to his arm. 

He opened the door to a very worried looking Noah. “Can I come in?” He asked softly. Connor just moved out of the way and let him walk in. When Noah stepped in, his eyes first went to the bloody knife on the floor, and then quickly turned his head to Connor. His eyes morphed into a look of horror as they fell on the cloth that was being held against Connor’s arm. “Oh no baby, you didn’t.” Connor couldn’t hold it in anymore after hearing Noah talk like that. 

He began sobbing as Noah pulled him into his arms. “Shhh, baby it’s ok. Everything’s alright. I’m here.” He began sobbing harder, because he didn’t deserve this treatment. He had done this to himself. He deserved the pain, and suffering of this. He was disgusting. He wasn’t normal. He collapsed in Noah’s arms. Noah picked him up. Connor wrapped his legs around him as Noah walked them over to his bed. 

He sat down on the bed with Connor sitting on his lap curled around him. Noah was stroking his hair. “Hey honey, it’s ok. You don’t have anything to feel guilty about,” Noah cooed in his ear. But he did have something to feel guilty about. He felt guilty about being a dick to Bitty. He felt guilty that he was disappointing his family. He felt guilty that he had been leading on Isabelle for 4 years. But mostly he felt guilty that Noah was sitting here holding him and being so sweet. He didn’t deserve him.

Noah pulled away from him, “Darling, can I clean you up?” Connor shook his head. “Please, you don’t want it to get infected.” Connor pulled away from Noah’s chest. “Can I see it?” Connor looked away from Noah, and pulled the paper towel away. “Oh baby,” Noah said while reaching out to graze his hands over his bicep. Connor flinched away. “You have to get off of me ok? I’ll be right back.” Connor nodded and climbed off Noah and onto the bed. “Do you have any anti-bacterial cream?” Connor pointed to his dresser. 

Noah returned with the cream and a damp cloth. “Ok honey, I’m just gonna get the dried blood off, ok?” Connor just sat there silently, letting Noah clean the cuts. Noah applied the cream and it stung just a little bit causing him to flinch. “Oh, I’m sorry baby. Where are your band aids?” Connor pointed the Tango’s nightstand. He walked over and retrieved a couple, and gently pressed them against Connor’s skin. 

“Do you want to go to bed?” Noah asked standing in front of him with Connor’s hand in his. Connor looked up at him with fresh tears flowing down his face. He nodded. “Do you want me to sleep with you? If not, I can sleep in Tango’s bed or on the floor. It doesn’t matter to me.” God, Connor could not believe how much he didn’t deserve Noah. 

Connor looked down at his hands in Noah’s bigger ones. “I want…can you sleep with me?” Noah didn’t say anything, just nodded. He began removing Connor’s clothing until he was just in his boxers, and then did the same to himself.

“Do you want your boxers on or off?” Noah still standing in front of him.

Connor sighed, “…off” Noah began removing Connor’s boxers. Suddenly Connor felt exposed. Noah saw the look he gained on his face.

Noah smiled at him again, “it's ok baby, do you want me to keep mine on?” Connor shook his head. Looking up into Noah’s eyes. 

“I-I want to feel close to you.” He stuttered. Noah nodded and removed the rest of his clothing, turned off the light, and climbed into bed with Connor. He pulled the covers up over both of them. Connor was facing him curled into his chest. Noah was rubbing his back. As Connor fell asleep, he wasn’t sure if he actually heard himself right, but he swears he accidently let “I love you, thank you,” slip out of him mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A LOT of internalized homophobia  
> Self Harm  
> Blood


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, eventually Whiskey will be happy for more than like a day. Trigger warnings at the bottom.

The next morning after they had gotten up, showered, and had gotten dressed, Noah sat down with Connor on his bed. “You need to tell Tango about last night.” Noah said to him. Connor’s eyes shot up to him ready to defend himself, but Noah beat him to it. “He needs to know what you did. It’s not safe for him to have anything you could hurt yourself with.” Noah continued.

This time Connor managed to break in between Noah talking, “but I’m never gonna do it again. Last night was a fluke.” He said his voice quiet. Noah nodded, but looked him straight in the eyes. 

“But what if it wasn’t baby? What if this is a new coping mechanism for every time something goes wrong? If something happened to you...” Noah got choked up. “If something happened to you, I don’t know what I would do. You know Tango would feel the same way.” Connor nodded at him.

“I’ll tell him I promise. “ Noah nodded at his promise to him. 

“Do you want me here when you do?” Connor thought for a minute, but then shook his head. Noah nodded, “Ok, I’m gonna go then, because he should be back soon.” He kissed Connor and stood up. He turned back around to face Connor again, “Oh by the way,” his lips curling into a huge grin, “I love you too.” Connor was frozen staring at Noah. 

Connor stood up from his bed and walked over to Noah. “I wasn’t sure I actually said that last night,” Noah nodded. “I love you, thank you so much for everything.” Noah laughed.

“Of course Honey. I love you too.” He pulled Connor into a kiss. Just then the door opened.

“Oh shit, sorry you guys! I can come back later!” Tango started backing out of the room. 

“No, no it’s fine. I was just leaving anyway, bye baby,” he leaned down kissing Connor one last time. He walked out the door, “bye Tango,” He said as the door was closing.

“Bye!” Tango yelled just before the door shut. “Wow, he is such a nice guy! I’m so glad you found him.” Tango began putting away the stuff from the weekend. “How was your weekend?” Tango began folding his clothes. 

Whiskey sat down on his bed, “Well actually, I kinda have a lot to catch you up on.” He sounded nervous; he could tell.

Tango turned around to face him as he sat on his own bed, “good things I hope?” Whiskey shrugged. “Ok, well…do you want to talk about it now?” Whiskey nodded; he knew if he didn’t do it now, he never would. “Do you want me to come over there?” Tango looked at him concerned. Whiskey looked down at his hands as he nodded. Tango climbed off his bed.

Whiskey felt his bed dip as Tango climbed onto it. “Ok, it’s kinda complicated, but I’ll try and keep it short, but you can’t say anything until I’m done, got it?” Tango mimed locking his mouth. Whiskey let a breath out, “So the weekend started really good. Noah came over, and we had pizza, and like cuddled, and that kind of stuff,” he could feel the heat rising on his cheeks. “And then um…we…” he looked up at Tango’s face, which held a small smile, and then looked back down. “We um…we had sex,” he whispered. This caused Tango to gasp.

Whiskey glanced up to see his small smile had turned into a huge smile, but he stayed quiet. “Tones he was so sweet. He did everything right. The next morning, I was…um…sore.” He grimaced while telling his best friend that part, but Tango just nodded. “He brought me ibuprofen, and water, and then we cuddled in bed all day just watching movies and stuff.” Tango’s face had seemed to somehow be a mix between about to cry, but happy.

Just then Whiskey remembered the next part, and his face fell. Causing Tango’s expression to turn into confusion. “We also went to that party…” it looked like Tango was ready to tell him off for that, but he stopped himself. “We went because, hockey players can’t go, so we thought that this was our one chance to act like a couple in public.” Tango nodded. Whiskey began shaking a little bit. Tango reached over and grabbed his hand, shooting him a sympathetic smile.

“Everything was going great, we were leaning up against a wall…kissing, and then when we pulled apart…I heard someone say ‘Whiskey.’” He began tearing up again, he didn’t look up to see Tango’s face. “I looked and made eye contact with Bitty. I guess the waffles decided that they wanted to go anyway, so he was there dragging them out, and…he saw me.” His tears started flowing.

He heard Tango sniffle, and looked up to see his eyes were glossing over. He continued, “so I got scared, and I ran. Bitty tried to stop me outside, but I just ignored him, and ran again.” He shook his head, “when I got back here, I was really upset, because…if Bitty knows…then Jack knows…and if Jack knows, then the NHL could find out.” He sobbed out the last part.

“You weren’t here, and I was all alone. I couldn’t call anyone on the team, because I would have to give them to full story. Chad was fucked up by that point, so he wouldn’t have been any help.” He looked up at Tango. “I was so scared, and alone Tony. I did something really stupid.” Tango bit his lip, like he knew what he was going to say, because he probably did. 

“I was so frantic, and I was looking around the room for some outlet to take it out on, and I-I…um…I saw your swiss army knife on your desk…” he lowered his gaze to his lap, he heard Tango let out a sad whimper. 

“I-I…well…I just…I was so scared Tony. I…just…I felt like I had no one, like no one would love me ever again. So, I…I can’t say it, I’ll just show you.” He was sobbing in between words. He removed his hand from Tango’s, and removed his shirt. He lifted up his right arm, so Tango could see the inside of it. He gasped. Tango started sobbing. “I’m so sorry Tony. I just…I felt so alone, and unwanted.” Whiskey started breathing raggedly in between sobs. 

Tango pulled Whiskey into him. They stayed like that for a couple minutes. Whiskey pulled away, and continued. “Well after that, I realized what I did and I was horrified at myself, so I cleaned up. Then Noah came to the door, because he was worried about me, and I let him in. When he saw what I did…he held me Tones. He had no judgement for me. He picked up, and I sat in his lap for like half an hour.” Whiskey and Tango made eye contact; Tango grabbed his hand again. 

“After that he cleaned up the rest of the blood off me, and put some band aids and cream on the cuts...then he told me he was staying, but if I didn’t want him to sleep with me, he would sleep on the floor.” Tango nodded, kind of half smiling. “I asked him to sleep with me, so he undressed me, turned off the lights, and climbed into bed with me.”

Whiskey’s eyes flicked to his lap and then back to Tango, “he just held me until I fell sleep, he didn’t even try to say anything, and then…I guess I accidently…told him I loved him.” Tango could obviously no longer keep his cool, because that statement caused a bit of a reaction. 

“WHAT!? OH MY GOD THAT’S AMAZING!” Tango yelled with a giant smile on his face. Whiskey looked at him waiting for him to calm down. “Right, sorry,” he sat back down.

Whiskey let out a little laugh. “But, I honestly thought I just imagined it, but this morning he was going to leave and he turned around and said it back…that was kinda what you walked in on” Whiskey rubbed the back of his neck. Tango looked like he was going to explode. “Ok, I’m done.” 

Tango had no idea where to start. He stared for minute and then began, “ok, um…that was a lot. Thank you for telling me.” Whiskey nodded. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you. I’m so sorry you felt like that. I can’t imagine what you must have been going through.” He took a deep breath and started crying again, “I’m so sorry I had something in our room that you used to hurt yourself, I can’t believe I just left it out on my desk like that.” It was Whiskey’s turn to grab Tango’s hands.

“I swear to god, even if I’m not here physically you can call me anytime. I love you so much Connor. So does the team. You know any of them would keep this a secret, right?” Connor nodded slowly. “If you want me to, I’ll talk to Bitty. I can tell him to just leave it alone, yeah?” Connor nodded again. 

He pulled Tango into a hug. “Thank you so much Tony. I love you.” Tango was shocked, because as many times as he had said that to Whiskey, he never said it back. It was fine, because Tango knew he did, he just didn’t like displaying excess emotions. 

“So, do you want to go to team dinner tonight?” Tango said hopefully. Connor looked like he was gonna say no, “please, come on. You should be around people right now.” Whiskey thought for second, and then nodded.

\--

They went over to the Haus around 5, when they got there pretty much everyone was already there. “Hey boys!” Nursey was the first one to greet them. “Great to see ya here Whiskey, we’ve missed you.” Nursey smiled at him and slapped him on the back. 

As they walked farther into the house more teammates stared at them shocked to see Whiskey here. He had literally never come to a team dinner. “Whiskey!” he heard Chowder yell, he turned around. “Wow it’s your first time here! That so exciting!” Whiskey just nodded back. Then he made eye contact with Bitty. It looked like he was gonna try and talk to him. Tango saw the panic in his face. 

“I’ll be right back” Tango said before walking over to Bitty. “Can we talk somewhere private?” Bitty looked at him confused, but nodded, and led him upstairs to his room. Bitty closed the door. “So, um…It has come to my attention that you maybe saw something last night, that you weren’t supposed to see.” Bitty looked a little nervous. 

“Um…yeah I guess I did. Look, you can tell Whiskey he doesn’t have to worry about anything, because I’m not gonna tell anyo-“ Tango cut him off.

“Not even Jack?” Tango cocked his eyebrow. Bitty looked guilty. “…you already told jack, didn’t you?” Bitty was about to open his mouth, but Tango started first, “Bitty, he really wants to go pro, and there aren’t like any queer NHL players expect Jack, but we all know that Jack is a pretty large exception to the rule.” Bitty nodded. “Just please don’t tell anyone else, and tell Jack to not tell anyone else either, not even on the team.” Bitty nodded again. Tango left the room.

He walked downstairs and rejoined the guys, he put a hand on Whiskey’s shoulder when he came back down as if to say, “it’s all good” Whiskey smiled at him, and went back to his conversation with the frogs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internalized homophobia  
> Talks of self harm


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, everyone fo your continued support! Trigger warnings at the bottom.

Everything was going pretty good for a couple of weeks. Whiskey started pulling back just a little bit more from the team, just because he was scared of a confrontation with Bitty. On the weekends when Bitty went to Providence Whiskey would almost always be at the Haus with everyone else. This weekend was parents’ weekend though, it’s not that he wasn’t excited to see his parents, because he was, he missed them. It was just that he knew he had to put up his walls again. 

He couldn’t talk about how he was really feeling without risk of his dad saying something about how he was a man, and shouldn’t feel that way. He also couldn’t talk about Noah at all. He knew that would be the hardest thing, because when he wasn’t with the team, he was with Noah. Whether they were alone, or at the LAX house, they were together. Right now, they were in Noah’s room essentially saying goodbye for the weekend.

Noah was sitting on his bed, and Connor was standing in between his legs in front of him. “I don’t want to leave,” Noah nodded at him. “I don’t understand why they are coming up anyway. They didn’t come last year, and like it’s only a weekend is a weekend visit really worth an almost 6-hour flight?” Connor leaned forward putting his head in the crook of Noah’s neck.

Noah placed his hands on Connor’s lower back. “I know, but they are your parents, and they miss you. Plus, I know you miss them. It’ll be good to see them, and we get to see each other again Monday night, so it’s not that long.” Connor lifted his head and kissed his boyfriend (they had finally made it official).

Connor pulled back, “How did I get so lucky to find you?” Noah just shrugged sarcastically, and pulled him back in. Connor threw his arms around Noah’s neck. Noah stood up deepening the kiss. Connor jumped up wrapping his legs around Noah’s waist. Noah moved his hands, so they were cupping Connor’s cheeks, supporting him, and began sucking on his neck. Connor bit his lip and let out a small moan, and then his phone rang.

“Shit,” he hoped off of Noah. He walked over to where his phone was. “Yup, it’s my parents, I gotta go, I love you.” He kissed Noah one last time before walking to the door.

Noah slapped his ass as he walked away, “I love you too baby, try not to miss me too much,” Connor laughed as he left the room. 

\--

Connor spent the night catching up with his parents, and they insisted that he stay at the hotel with them that night. “Oh, come on mijo, I bet the bed is softer than the one in the dorms,” he couldn’t argue there. He went back to his dorm to grab some stuff, when he walked in Tango and his mom were also in the room.

“Mom, dad, this is my roommate Tony,” Connor introduced them, and began packing. Tango followed in the same fashion 

“Nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Whisk! Mom this is my roommate, and teammate” Tango added in, “Connor.” 

“Nice to meet you Mrs.Tangredi,” Connor said before turning back to his packing. Their parents talked while they both packed up a bag, because apparently Tango’s mom had said essentially the same thing to him about the beds.

“Alright dude, see you tomorrow at the game, Mrs. Tangredi very nice to meet you” Connor said as he left the room with his parents. He heard Tango and his mom yell bye as he left. 

\--

They lost their game the next day. At dinner his dad wouldn’t shut up about it. “It’s all because that faggot captain of yours couldn’t take that goddamn check,” his dad ranted on. “He should be replaced by someone reliable, like that #24, he was good.” Connor just sat there as his dad went on and on about how horrible Bitty was. He knew his dad wasn’t talking about him, but it sure felt like he was. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay at the hotel another night?” His mom asked, as they dropped him off in front of his building.

“Yeah, I miss my bed, didn’t sleep very good last night.” She nodded

“Ok, well we will be back in the morning to get you for breakfast.” Connor nodded and waved goodbye. He walked up to his room. He opened the door and found it empty. He was hoping Tango would be here, but he must have decided to stay with his mom again. Connor wanted to cry. He couldn’t believe the things his dad had said. 

He got into bed, and just laid there thinking about everything he had said. The words running through his head, they wouldn’t stop “Faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot, fa-“ he sat up in bed. He wanted to call Noah, but he wanted to prove to him, and himself that he didn’t need to go running to him. He really didn’t know what to do. Those bad thoughts began to re-entered his mind.

No, he shook his head. He has to stop thinking like that, but they kept coming back. He kept trying to go to sleep but every time he closed his eyes, his dad popped back in his head. He wasn’t crying, but he was panicked. He needed to be with someone, because he was scared about what he was going to do. He didn’t want to call Tango, even though he said he always could, because he didn’t want to ruin his time with his mom. He wasn’t about to call Bitty. So, he called someone who wouldn’t ask too many questions, and would be chill about it. 

\--

Ten minutes later there was a knock at his door. He got up and opened it. Nursey was standing on the other side. “Hey bro, what’s up? You sounded kinds frantic on the phone.” Whiskey stepped aside to let Nursey in. 

“Um well…I don’t really want to talk about it. Which is why I called you, I figured everyone else on the team would try to pry for answers, and I figured you…might not?” Nursey nodded and walked over to Tango’s bed and sat down on it.

“Totally, but then why did you want me to come over?” Whiskey walked back over to his own bed and sat down. 

He also knew he would never cry in front of anyone at school except Noah, Tango, and Chad P., so Nursey was his safe bet. “I just…something bad happened a while ago,” Nursey’s eyes widened, “I’m ok!” Whiskey clarified. “Just, something happened tonight that is making me think about it, and I don’t want to be alone, and Tango is with his mom, and Chad P. is fucking drunk, so I didn’t know who else to call.”

Nursey nodded again, “Got it, so you want me to like sleep in Tango’s bed?” 

Connor looked at the ground, “I mean…if you wouldn’t mind.” 

Nursey began getting comfortable, “Totally dude, anything for a teammate.”

Whiskey had a small smile on his face, “Thanks, Nursey, goodnight.” Whiskey laid down in his bed. 

“Night Whiskey,” Nursey mumbled from where he was lying on his stomach. 

\--

The rest of the weekend seemed to fly by, and finally it was Monday, and his parents were leaving. “Ok bye honey, we’ll see you in two weeks, ok? I love you.” He hugged his mom goodbye as she got in the car. His dad walked around the rental car to say goodbye.

“Alright mijo, see you at Christmas,” his dad stuck out his hand.

He took his father’s hand and shook it, “Adiós, papá.” His dad nodded curtly as he got back in the car. He waved at them as they drove away, then ran back inside to call Noah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internalized homophobia   
> Homophobia  
> Use of homophobic slurs  
> Thoughts of self harm


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically pure smut again. Enjoy!

Connor texted Noah on his way back up to his room. 

Connor: Parents just left.

Noah: Be over in 10

Perfect Connor thought as he opened his door. “Oh, hey Whiskey!” Tango said as he entered his room. Ok, so not perfect. Tango had gotten out of class early. 

“Hey Tones, do you think maybe…you could leave for like an hour or two?” Connor asked nonchalantly as he walked to his desk. Tango turned around and looked at him confused. 

“But why? I feel like I haven’t seen you all weekend.” Tango frowned. Great now Connor felt bad. 

“Right, right, but you know who I really haven’t seen all weekend?” Connor looked hoping he would get it, but of course he didn’t. He looked more confused than before. Connor wiped his hand over his face. “Noah. Tony, I haven’t seen Noah all weekend.” Tango nodded.

“Ok, he can come over, I don’t care.” He really wasn’t making this easy for Connor. 

Connor rolled his eyes, he loved Tango, but sometimes he killed him with how oblivious he is. “Dude. I want to be alone with him. So we can…do some things.” Hoping Tango would get it this time. It looked like he was. 

“Ohhhhh, right, sure thing! But, we can hang out later tonight, right?” Tango stood up from his desk walking over to the door.

Connor nodded, agreeing. “Yeah, I’ll even come to team dinner tonight, I promise!” Tango gained a huge smile on his face.

“Great! I mean I can’t believe you’re sexiling me, but I’m glad you’re coming to dinner! Have fun and use protection!” Tango said as he left the room.

\--

5 minutes later there was a knock on the door Connor ran and answered it. Noah was standing on the other side. He pushed past Connor, and into the room. Connor closed the door, and Noah pinned Connor’s back to the door. “Oh my god, I missed you,” Noah said before attacking Connor’s lips with his own. He pulled away, “Fuck baby, I want to show you how much I missed you,” he pushed his hips into Connor’s.

Connor threw his head back against the door and Noah grinded on him, “Oh my fuck,” he whined under Noah. He wrapped his arms around Noah neck as Noah sucked on the spot right under his jaw. Noah cupped Connor’s ass with his hands and lifted him, Connor wrapped his legs around Noah’s waist. 

Noah continued to grind his groin into Connor’s. He started sucking marks all along Connor’s jaw. “God baby. Tell me how much you missed daddy.” Noah whispered in his ear. Connor whimpered at the way that Noah was talking. “Come on baby, use your words and tell daddy.” Noah punctuated it with a hard bite to his neck.

Connor was withering. “So much daddy. I thought of you in the shower this morning.” Noah pulled away from Connor with a smirk.

“Really baby? What did you think about? What did you do?” Noah began to kneed Connor’s ass. 

Connor whimpered, “I um…thought about you…um” Noah grinded against Connor, causing Connor to moan. He continued, “pinning me against the wall, and fucking me. I thought about you overusing me.” Noah smirked at Connor’s last statement.

“You want daddy to overuse you honey?” Noah licked a stripe up his neck. Connor nodded. “Want me to make you come, and then fuck you and until you come again?” Connor elicited a sound Noah had never heard from him before, and threw his head back again. “Come on baby, you know you need to use your big boy words for me.” Noah tilted Connor’s head until they were making eye contact. 

“Yes daddy, oh my god, yes please make me come. Ahhh I want to come please daddy.” Connor began grinding into Noah’s hips since he had stopped. Honestly, Noah was surprised he didn’t come on the spot from those words coming out on Connor’s mouth. Noah reconnected their mouths.

Noah began grinding his groin into Connor’s as hard as he could. Connor was moaning into the kiss. Noah pulled back and set Connor down, Connor made a noise of dissatisfaction. “One second honey.” Noah said as he pulled down his own pants, but kept on his boxers, and then did the same to Connor. He picked him back up. This time sliding his hands past the waistband of Connor’s boxer, so his hands were making direct contact with Connor’s cheeks.

He began grinding on Connor again, this time slipping a finger past his cheeks to tease Connor’s hole. When his finger made contact, Connor mewled. Noah’s eyes widened. “Did you…are you…did you stretch yourself?” Connor nodded. 

“This morning in the shower, when I thought about seeing you later; I couldn’t help it.” Connor whispered.

“Oh my god baby, that is so hot.” Noah dove into kiss his again. He continued to tease Connor’s hole. Dragging his finger up and down. He grinded harder, Connor was pushing back on his finger. He pulled his hand out and quickly licked it. He replaced his hand where it once was and started slowly inserting the finger inside Connor.

Connor started almost screaming into the kiss. Grinding into Noah, while simultaneously fucking himself back on Noah’s finger. Connor pulled away, “Can I come daddy, please,” Noah just nodded as he continued to grind down. Connor released with a scream of “Daddy, of god, fuck me.” Which only egged Noah on more. 

“Do you still want me to fuck you baby?” Connor nodded tiredly. “Are you sure? We don’t have to.” Connor nodded insistently. Noah walked them over to Connor’s bed and set him down. He pulled off Connor’s boxers first, and then his own. Got the lube and condoms form the nightstand, and climbed on the bed.

He lubed up two fingers, and slowly inserted them. Connor whimpered, “ah Daddy,” Noah stopped.

“Are you too oversensitive? Want to stop?” Connor shook his head. So, Noah kept going. He fingered him for about 10 minutes before his dick began twitching back to life. At that sign he began fucking into Connor with his fingers. He inserted a third finger, and pressed directly into his prostate.

Connor screamed and pushed down on his fingers harder. “Baby, look how pretty you are for daddy. Holy shit, I’m gonna fuck the shit out of you. I’m gonna show you how much daddy missed you this weekend.” He removed his fingers, slid on the condom, and lubed himself up. “Are you ready baby?” Connor’s body shook, but he nodded.

“Ok, love.” Noah started slow giving Connor time to adjust. But after only a couple minutes Connor was begging to go faster. Noah was fucking into him with all his might and speed that he held inside his body. “Fuck baby, gonna make daddy come. You’re so beautiful. Daddy thought about you so much this weekend.” Connor whimpered; Noah could tell he was close.

He was jack hammering into Connor, and he pushed as far into Connor as he could, and came. “Fuck baby, oh my god baby, you did this to daddy.” Noah immediately pulled out and fell on his elbows and knees between Connor’s legs. He pulled Connor’s body closer to him, and jammed his tongue is Connor’s hole.

Connor let out a scream, and began shaking. Noah used one of his hands and reached around to jack Connor’s dick. After about 3 stroke Connor was coming for the second time that night, this time it was practically silent, minus little whimpers leaving his mouth as he fucked up into Noah’s hand until he was done. 

Once Connor had come down. Noah got up and brought over a damp cloth. And began cleaning them up. Afterwards the laid behind Connor in bed, whispering in his ear. “You are so beautiful baby, wow. I’m so glad I get to see you like that. You did so good. You were so good for me darling. Made me feel so good. Fuck baby.” This went on for several minutes.

Connor rolled over, “ok, I promised Tony I would go to team dinner tonight, so I gotta get up.” Noah nodded, and got off the bed with Connor. They got dressed in silence. Noah walked over to Connor and wrapped his arms around his waist. 

“Hey baby, I love you so much.” Noah put his forehead to Connor’s. Connor nodded.

“I love you so much too.” Connor sighed as he pulled himself into Noah’s chest. “But I seriously have to go.” Connor pulled away and kissed his boyfriend one more time before dragging him out the door. They separated downstairs and Connor walked over to the Haus.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a mostly light hearted chapter. There is still a trigger warning at the bottom.

Two weeks later Connor went back to Arizona for winter break. It was a very uneventful time. They did the whole Christmas thing, texted everyone Merry Christmas (and didn’t get any passive aggressive responses this year, score!), saw a bunch of family he didn’t really care to see, saw Isabelle, and stuck to his diet plan relatively well. He also skyped Noah almost every day. After New Year’s he flew back to Samwell, because practice was starting two weeks before classes.

When he got back Tango was already in their room unpacking. “Whiskey!” Tango yelled as he flung himself across the room so he could hug him. “How was your break? Was it good?” Whiskey nodded moving into the room with his bags. 

“Yeah, it was alright. Just glad to be back. I missed it here.” Tango rolled his eyes. “What?” Whiskey asked. Tango laughed.

“Dude you missed Noah.” Tango said laughing harder. Whiskey felt kind of offended by that accusation.

“He’s not even gonna be back for 2 weeks. Anyway, I missed not having to pretend to have no emotions around everyone.” Whiskey began to unpack his clothes. 

“Pretty sure you still do that here…I mean not with me, Chad P., or Noah, but everyone else is pretty sure you are Hockey Robot 2.0 .” Whiskey just shrugged.

“Well I don’t really care about anyone else here…except for Ford, she’s cool.” Tango laughed at that, because the three of them had pretty much been inseparable at team events, so it kind of went without saying. They stopped talking, and started putting things away. 

Right as they finished unpacking, they both collapsed on their respective beds. They could not have been laying down for more than 3 minutes when both of their phones went off. It was from Bitty who had put he and Tango in a group chat with him. 

Bitty: Hey be at the Haus at 4! We are having a bonding activity.

Bitty: Also get the waffles on your way over please. None of them are answering me.

They looked at the clock, it was 3:50. Whiskey groaned and stood up. He and Tango left their dorm to go pick up the waffles. None of them were answering their phones so they had to actually go in and get them. Whiskey went to go get Bully, and Tango went to get Louis and Hops. Apparently, all of them had fallen asleep, so they dragged them downstairs, and over to the Haus. 

When they got there, they walked into the living room where they found everyone sitting in a circle. “Hello boys, please sit! We are playing Never have I ever, but if you have done it you drink!” They all nodded, grabbed a drink, and sat in the circle. Bitty went first.

“Never have I ever kissed a girl,” Bitty said. Everyone except for Wicks, and Hops drank. Bitty raised an eyebrow, but said nothing and just nodded. They decided to go around the circle which meant Dex was going next. 

“Um…never have I ever not had a summer job” he glared slightly at Nursey. Only Nursey and Louis drank on that round. Nursey went next. 

“Never have I ever worked for a family member,” he smirked at Dex knowing very well that he works for his uncle every summer. Ollie and Dex drank. Wicks went next.

“Never have I ever followed someone to a school,” he said with a slight smirk. Ollie looked at him, and then took a sip. 

“In my defense, I didn’t technically follow you to Samwell…I just made sure to apply to the same places as you.” Ollie defended, everyone laughed. “Anyway, never have I ever driven a car.” Ollie said. Everyone looked at him like he must have been joking, but he stayed silent. Everyone drank. It was Tango’s turn. 

“Never have I ever done anal,” he giggled. Everyone laughed. Bitty, Wicks, Ollie, and Nursey drank. Whiskey hesitated for a minute before sipping. 

“Nice!” Nursey yelled across the circle at him. Whiskey laughed it off, it was his go.

“Never have I ever um…sucked a dick,” he blushed while saying it, but no one seemed to notice. Bitty, Wicks, Ollie, Ford, Bully, and Nursey drank. Whiskey was honestly not expecting that many people to drink on that one. Ford went next. 

“Never have I ever not had a vagina,” She smiled proudly. Everyone glared at her, but everyone drank. “What? I felt like Hops and Louis were barely drinking.” She laughed. Bully started talking.

“Never have I ever agreed with my parents’ political views,” there was a slight tension in the room to see who was going to drink. Dex, Whiskey, Louis, and Chowder drank. It looked like a lot of people wanted to ask for explanations, but said nothing. Louis went next.

“Never have I ever had a pet,” everyone looked a little bit sad at that one. “Guys, its ok, I didn’t say I got hit by a car or something,” there was a laughter around the room. Only Nursey drank. Last to go for the first round was Hops. 

“Never have I ever hm…kissed a guy,” he said laughing and looked at Bitty who playfully punched him in the shoulder. Whiskey felt his blood run cold. He could feel Tango side-eying him and saw Bitty glancing at him. Just as everyone, excluding Tango and Louis, were about to drink. Whiskey stood up. 

“This game is dumb, we aren’t 12,” Whiskey snarled. He stomped his way out of the Haus, and walked back to their dorm. Tango opened the door about 10 minutes later. 

“Hey, you good?” he was taking off his shoes, trying to act nonchalant. Whiskey just looked up at him from where he was sitting on his bed hugging a pillow. “You could have just lied.” Whiskey knew he was right, but then Bitty would have thought he was a liar, and that made him not feel too great. 

He shook his head, “no I couldn’t I would have felt bad lying to everyone, and then Bitty would have thought I was a liar, and I just don’t want that.” Tango nodded.

“Well now everyone is kinda wondering what is going on with you,” Whiskey shrugged. “Also, Ford gave me these after you left, she was gonna give them to us before we left, but then you uh…made an exit.” Tango handed him a sweater that said Whiskey on it and had an embroidered hockey stick stitched to it. “I have one that says Tango, and she has one that says Foxtrot,” Whiskey had a small, sad smile on his face. 

“See this is why I can’t lie to them!” Tango nodded understandingly. “Can we just like watch tv or something?” 

Tango picked up his laptop, “your bed or mine?” Whiskey didn’t move. “Yours then,” Tango climbed in. “What do you wanna watch, never mind you’re not gonna answer anyway. We’re watching Brooklyn 99.” He started the show. Whiskey rested his head on Tango’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony Tangredi is the best friend Whiskey could have ever asked for honestly.
> 
> Internalized homophobia, although it is not expressed explicitly.  
> Underage Drinking


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story. In this chapter I once again used some direct quotes from the comic to keep it as canon compliant as possible, credit to Ngozi for that dialog. Trigger warnings at the bottom.

The hockey team was doing amazing this season! They had just won their last playoff game, which meant they were going to Regionals! Everyone on the team was so excited. They planned a very impromptu kegster, and pretty much everyone on campus showed up. Whiskey even talked Noah into coming for a little bit. 

Connor: seriously, come for an hour.

Noah: they don’t want me there, you and I both know it

Connor: but I want you there.

Noah: Connor. No.

Connor: please :(

Noah: …an hour that’s it.

Connor: gr8!

With the kegster in full effect the Haus was absolutely packed to the brim. Whiskey was honestly having an ok time. When Noah showed up Connor bro hugged him. Chowder walked up to him. “Um…Whiskey can I talk to you?” He followed Chowder up to his room. “Why is there a LAX bro here?” Whiskey rolled his eyes.

“He’s my friend, and the rivalry is dumb.” Whisked huffed out. Chowder looked at him a suspicious glint in his eye. Whiskey stared back with a look of disinterest in the conversation they were having. “He’s only staying for an hour, I promise.” Chowder nodded, apparently that was good enough for him. 

They exited the room and went back to the party. Whiskey took Noah to the kitchen to grab a drink. He grabbed two beers out of the fridge when he turned around Noah pinned him against the kitchen counter. “What the hell are you doing?” Whiskey seethed. 

Noah began kissing down his neck. “Come on baby, no one is in here.” Whiskey pushed him off. A look of betrayal in his eyes. Noah backed up.

Whiskey put the beers on the counter and stalked toward Noah, “I barely let you touch me in front of Tango, and in your fucking mind you thought I would be ok with this?” He spoke as quiet as he could with the blaring music. He backed Noah into a wall, and prodded his sternum with his index finger. “You really fucking thought that? Wow…I thought…You need to leave.” 

Whiskey walked away from him to retrieve a beer and leave the kitchen, “Babe, come on. I’m sorry.” Whiskey ignored him and left. He found Tango. 

“You good?” Whiskey just nodded, apparently Tango believed him because he turned back to watching the current beer pong game. Dex and Nursey vs. Louis and Ford, and Dex and Nursey were not doing so hot. Whiskey looked over his shoulder just as Noah opened the door to leave. They made quick eye contact, but Whiskey turned away again.

\--

“Ok everyone lets clean this place up!” Bitty yelled to the remaining members of the team. Everyone began a task. Whiskey was cleaning the porch. It required the hose, like almost a power washer. When he was done, he decided he wasn’t really in the mood to hang around. 

“Hey Bitty, I’m done here so I’m gonna head out.” Bitty nodded 

“Thanks! It was good to see you at a kegster Whiskey.” Bitty smiled. Whiskey nodded at him. He had actually been to a few other ones, but Bitty was always in Providence. 

“Hey uh Bitty,” He turned back around so he was facing Whiskey. “I did want to say…you’ve kept stuff that’s happened…my business…to yourself. And I…I guess with Samwell in the news with scouts at games. I appreciate it…you keeping my business to yourself.” Bitty looked a little shocked. “Uh. Good game tonight. See you around.” Whiskey made a swift exit.

As Whiskey left Bitty whispered, “Good game, Whiskey.” He had a proud smirk on his face. 

\--

When Whiskey got back to his room he looked down at his phone. He had 5 missed calls, and 3 text messages…all from Noah. He also had a voicemail from him. Whiskey rolled his eyes as he hit play on the voicemail.

“Hey Connor, I’m really sorry about what I did. You were right, I wasn’t thinking. I should not have put you in that situation. I just…I’m so sorry. I love you. Call me back please.” All of his texts pretty much had the same general gist as the voicemail. Whiskey didn’t know what to do. He loves Noah, but what he did tonight could have cost him his career if someone with a big mouth or from The Swallow saw them. He deleted the voicemail and got into bed. 

\--

It was the day of the championship game. Everyone was slightly on edge, but prepared. The first and second period went amazing for Whiskey. He kinda wished that there was someone here to see it, like his family, or Isabelle, or…Noah. During the third period though Bitty took a pretty horrible check. They managed to win the game though, but Bitty managed to lose a tooth. There was a huge celly, all of the fans stormed the ice.

After they all went back into the locker room, and then Whiskey appeared holding the trophy over his head. There was a very loud cheer from everyone in the room. Everyone’s families wanted to be with their player tonight, so they were going to have to have an actual celebration another time. 

When they returned to Samwell Whiskey started walking back to the dorm only to be stopped by Nursey. “Hey Whiskey, where are you going?” He looked around for a minute to come up with something not pathetic to say. 

“Oh, just back to my dorm. My family couldn’t make it up.” Yup. That definitely sounded pathetic. Whiskey began walking again.

“Wait dude!” Nursey ran up to him, “Come out to dinner with me and my moms.” Whiskey looked hesitant. “Come on dude, you shouldn’t be alone, you were like the MVP today!” Whiskey thought for a second, and then nodded.

\--

He got back to his dorm after having dinner with the Nursey and his moms, and he actually ended up having a pretty good time. He is usually frantic around new people, but Nursey is so talkative, it didn’t even matter. Tango was back when he entered the room. He turned toward Connor with a giant, almost creepy, smile on his face. “What?” Tango glanced over at Whiskey’s desk. There were flowers on in.

He walked over to them and picked up the card. “I’m so proud of you baby, I knew you could do it – your biggest fan.” Whiskey smiled at the card. “Did you bring these up?” He glanced at Tango. 

“Yeah, they were at the front desk, and I guess the RA knew what room I lived in, so he asked me to just bring them up, even though they were for you.” Tango wouldn’t stop smiling. Whiskey however had a sad smile in his face. “What’s wrong? We are champions Whiskey! Your boyfriend sent you flowers. How could this day get any better?” Whiskey shrugged.

“I just…I haven’t talked to Noah in like a week,” Tango cocked his eyebrow. “At the kegster after playoffs…he tried to kiss me in the kitchen, and I flipped on him.” Tango looked upset. 

“Why would he do that?” Whiskey just shrugged. He figured he should at least text him thank you. He got into his pajamas, and into bed. Tango turned off the light. He pulled out his phone to text Noah.

Connor: thanks for the flowers. 

He got a response a couple minutes later. 

Noah: Of course baby. I watched the game, you did amazing. I love you. 

Whiskey hesitated to reply for a minute, but then did.

Connor: I love you too.

After he sent that he put his phone down and went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Underage drinking  
> Internalized homophobia (if you squint)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are almost near the end, it makes me sad. I've had such a fun time writing this. :( Anyway, I used direct quotes again do credit to Ngozi for those parts. Trigger warning at the bottom.

The next couple days were a whirlwind, he was still basically ignoring Noah mostly just one-word answers, if he answered at all. They had the hockey banquet, where Dex was named the next seasons captain by a unanimous vote, they had finals and then is was essentially time to go home for the summer. 

The day before Whiskey was supposed to fly back home, he woke up to two new texts. One from Bitty, and one from Noah. He decided he was gonna deal with Bitty’s first, because he still didn’t really know where he stood with Noah right now. 

Bitty: Hey Whiskey, could you come by the Haus when you have time today? 

He honestly had no idea what this was going to be about, because he and Bitty didn’t exactly have the closest relationship. He got up, showered, and got ready for the day (maintaining his impeccable fashion taste). He then made his way over to the Haus. He walked up to Bitty’s room, and rapped lightly on the door.

“Hey Bits, I got your text what’s up?” Bitty turned around and smiled at him.

“You can probably guess what this is about,” honestly, Whiskey had no fucking idea what this was about. He stood there waiting for Bitty to continue. “Whiskey, you should have my room.” He was slightly shocked when Bitty said that.

“But, why me? Why not Dex or Ford?” Bitty looked at him compassionately. 

“Whiskey, you make this team, and you should live in the Haus.” Whiskey nodded, and began walking around the room tinkering with random objects. 

“…we never talked about the party” Whiskey kept his eyes drawn down. 

“We don’t have to.” Bitty insisted. 

“I’m not…I’m still dating my girlfriend you know that right?” Bitty nodded

“Yeah, that’s great.” Whiskey turned to face away from Bitty. 

“I think…where I’m from. It’s not like Samwell. I’ve been here for two years, and I’m still getting used to it. What I do and who I do it with doesn’t need to be anybody’s business.” Bitty sat on his bed.

“Sure. Of course.” Whiskey sighed.

“And I’m trying to figure that out. I don’t think – or…I can’t be like you” Whiskey turned to face Bitty. 

“You don’t have to be.” Bitty had a slight frown on his face. 

“Right, because I’m not.” Bitty nodded, and then mentioned how they needed to shake hands to bind dibs. He took Bitty’s hand, “Thanks for everything, Bitty. You had my back this year.” Bitty had a smile on his face. 

“You’re welcome, Whiskey.” With that Whiskey left the Haus for the summer. He paused on the porch, and looked at the text from Noah. 

Noah: Hey, can you please come over so we can talk about this?

He looked at his phone unsure what to do. He started walking. He ended up in front of Noah’s door. Connor took a deep breath as he knocked on the door. 

The door swung open revealing a rather distraught looking Noah. “Hi, come in,” his voice seemed smaller than usual. He stepped to the side to let Connor in. 

“So…” Connor awkwardly kicked at the dust on the floor that wasn’t there. 

Noah stepped forward and took his hands, “Connor, I cannot express how hard these past 3 weeks have been without you. I will never stop being sorry for what I tried to pull. I see now why it was the wrong thing to do. I just want you to forgive me…I love you.” Noah began to quietly cry. Connor had never seen Noah cry; it was always the other way around. He wasn’t very good about dealing with other’s emotions. 

Connor looked from where their hands were clasped up to his crying boyfriend’s face, that seemed to hold so much regret. “Thank you. I know…maybe I overreacted in the moment, but I was just scared.” Noah had all his attention on Connor. “These last couple weeks were hard for me too. I just need to know you won’t ever do something like that again.” Noah nodded furiously. 

More tears began to stream down his face, “yes. I promise I won’t ever do it again. It was wrong of me to assume that you would want that too. Just please forgive me baby. I miss you.” Connor sighed.

“Of course, I forgive you. I just needed to hear you say it in person, rather than through text or voicemail…or flower gram.” He smiled slightly; Noah let out a weak laugh. “I love you so much, ok?” Noah nodded. “Good, how about we clean you up, and spend our last full day together.” Connor wiped a stray tear from Noah’s face.

That night they got dinner, watched a movie, and did some other things *wink wink*. The next morning, they woke up at 3am so Noah could drive Connor to the airport. When they got to the departing gates, they both stepped out of the car. “So, I guess this is goodbye for now.” Noah lifted Connor’s bags out of the trunk. “I’m gonna miss you so much.” 

Noah didn’t make a move to hug Connor after he said that, respecting Connor’s public boundaries. Connor flung himself into Noah’s arms. “I’m gonna miss you too,” he kissed Noah’s cheek. “I love you.” He pulled back.

“I love you too.” He bent down to give Connor a quick peck on the cheek. “Now get going or you’re gonna miss you ridiculously early flight.” Connor laughed as he walked away. When he got to the doors of the airport he turned around; Noah was still stand there. They gave each other a small wave, and with that Connor Whisk was back on his way to Arizona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little bit on internalized homophobia


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters after this :( I hope you're already. These last couple ones are about to be the most drama filled. Trigger warnings at the bottom.

He had been home for 2 weeks, and all he wanted to do was go back to Samwell. He missed hockey, and Noah, and even the hockey team. Connor was getting worn out by having to keep up the straight act every second of everyday. Isabelle was constantly asking to hang out, and his parents wanted to know why she wasn’t coming around anymore. Connor didn’t want to see her, because he knew if he saw her now, he would be overcome with guilt. 

He did want to end things with her, but he didn’t want to hurt her, but let’s honest keeping her in this relationship was going to hurt her too. After another week he was still avoiding Isabelle, using work, or being tired as an excuse. He didn’t want to ask Noah about this, because he would be a little bias about what to do, so he called Tango.

“I just don’t know what to do.” Connor groaned as he threw himself back on him bed.

“Well, I mean…you should break up with one of them for sure. You do realize just because Noah is a guy, it’s still cheating right?” Of course he knew that, which is why he was so confused. 

“Yes. I do know that. I mean obviously I want to be with Noah, or I wouldn’t be avoiding her right?” Tango hmm’d into the phone. “I just don’t know how to do it. I’ve never dumped anyone or even been dumped. It’s always just been her.” Connor groaned. 

“Whiskey, you just have to do it. You just said yourself that you want to be with Noah, so unfortunately you have to break up with her.” Connor didn’t say anything. “I think you should say something about long-distance relationships, if you don’t want to tell her the real reason.”

Connor rolled his eyes, “Tony, I have never even said it out loud to myself, I obviously can’t tell her…she’s gonna hate me.” Tango let out a heavy breath.

“Maybe, but you’re gonna hate yourself if you keep this up, and she’ll hate you more if you carry this on for years.” Connor sat up. He knew Tango was right. 

“Yeah, I know. Thanks Tony. I’ll let you know what’s going on.” Connor let out a sigh.

“Alright dude, and whatever you decide, you know you have my support. I’ll talk to you later.” Connor hung up the phone, and flopped back down onto his bed. He stared at Isabelle’s contact.

Connor: Hey, can you come over later? I need to talk to you. My house is empty until 5.

Isabelle: Sure, I’ll be there in an hour. 

She must know something is up. She has never sent him a text without an emoji scattered in somewhere. Although, how could she not know? He has been home for 3 weeks, and hasn’t even made an effort to see her. He got up and began nervous cleaning his room. The time must have gotten away from him, because the next thing he knew there was a knock on the door. 

He walked downstairs and opened it. Isabelle was standing there with a less than happy look on her face. “Ok, let’s get this over with. You want to break up with me.” She walked in the house, and plopped down on the couch. He looked at her for a minute before joining her. 

“I’m sorry.” He looked down at his feet. “It’s just…I…the distance is too much,” she rolled her eyes. 

“That’s bullshit Connor and you know it.” He gulped. “Even when I came out to visit you, you acted all distant, and weird. What the hell is really going on with you?” He began rubbing his hands together. 

“I can’t tell you. You’ll hate me…everyone will.” His voice cracking. Isabelle’s face seemed to soften.

She put her hand on his knee, “…did you cheat on me?” He couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eyes, but nodded. “What did you do?” He knew this part was going to hurt her the most. They had never had sex in the 4 years of them dating, because Connor never felt ready, or the timing didn’t seem right. He stayed quiet, unable to bring himself to say it. “…you had sex with someone, didn’t you?” He could hear her voice breaking, but still wouldn’t look at her.

He nodded slowly. She still didn’t remove her hand from his knee, almost like she was trying to comfort him. “I’m so sorry,” he squeaked out, finally looking up at her. It was her turn to nod. “I wanted to tell you, I just didn’t know ho-“ she cut him off.

“Was it before, or after I visited?” She had tears streaming steadily down her face now.

Connor took a breath, “After.” She pulled her hand away from his knee, and buried her face in her hands. “Isabelle, I’m so sorry.” She looked up at him. He didn’t see anything that looked like anger in her eyes, just sadness.

“If you could take it back would you?” He stayed quiet. “Goddammit Connor, fucking answer me. Please.” She let out a quiet sob. Connor shook his head. She began sobbing harder. “What did I do wrong? Am I not pretty enough for you?” Connor began rubbing her back.

“No, you are so beautiful. I just…there are some things that are out of both of our control.” She looked up, now she had anger in her eyes.

“I hate to be the one to break it to you Connor, but YOU could control YOU not cheating, buddy.” She jerked away from his touch, “and don’t fucking touch me right now.” She gritted her teeth. “Connor Whisk, you were my first and only love. Fuck you for taking that away from me. I would have rather been broken up with through a text or phone call, than be cheated on and then led on for months. Goodbye Connor.” She stood up and left the house.

Connor continued to sit on the couch, he didn’t know what to do, or where to go. He went up to his room to call Noah, because his older brother, Matt, could be home any minute.

“Hey, I uh…broke up with Isabelle.” He could feel himself tearing up, but refused to let them fall. He didn’t deserve to be sad over this.

“Did you tell her why…like the real reason?” Connor huffed.

“No, I can’t…I’ve never said it out loud. I just told her I cheated on her.” Noah hmm’d into the phone. 

“You’ve never said it out loud? Not even to yourself?” Connor shook his head but then realized Noah couldn’t see him. 

“Uh no…it all seemed to real if I said it out loud.” He sat down on his bed. 

“Hey, I don’t mean to like bring you to light or anything, but baby, I am fucking you in the ass on the regular…pretty sure it’s all plenty real.” Noah snorted. Connor smirked at his phone.

“I hate you,” he laughed.

“No, you don’t, you looooove me,” He cooed into the phone.

“Yeah, yeah I do love you.” Just then Matt burst into Connor’s room. He must not have heard the front door open.

“Ooooh, is that Isabelle, let me say hi!” He tackled Connor for the phone. Connor tried kicking him off.

“Matt stop, go away,” rolled onto his stomach to protect the phone underneath him, but of course, his brother is stronger, older, and bigger than he was. So, he easily flipped him over and grabbed the phone.

“Hi Isabelle, we all miss you here,” there was silence on the other end. “Yo, Izzy,” he looked down at the phone to see the contact name “Noah <3”. He looked back up at Connor, who had fear spread across his face. “Um, who is…Noah?” Connor pounced for the phone, which Matt easily gave up.

“Bye, I’ll call you back later,” he heard a quick, “ok love you” on the other end before he hung up. He looked up to meet his brother’s eyes. “It’s not what you think.” Matt was just staring at him.

“Who. Is. Noah?” Matt repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think there are any huge trigger warnings needed for this chapter. Maybe just some internalized homophobia, but not much. Also some perceived homophobia.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is only one more chapter after this. Will Whiskey finally get to be happy? I sure hope so. PLEASE be sure to read the trigger warnings for this chapter.

“Who is Noah,” Matt kept repeating. Connor sat on his bed as Matt continued to stare down at him. 

“I…I swear…it’s not what it looks like Matt, please.” Matt pulled over his desk chair, and sat across from Connor.

“It sounded a whole lot like you told some guy named Noah you love him, and you put a heart in his contact name. I mean I know sometimes I’m a little oblivious, but if I’m correct…I would say you are dating…a guy?” Connor backed up against his wall, and pulled his knees to his chest. 

“Please, don’t tell anyone. Please Matt. Dad will kill me, like literally kill me. I…I’m sorry I can change I promise.” Matt stared as his little brother, who he had seen cry about 4 times past the age of 6, as he broke down in front of him. He stayed silent. “I…I don’t know how it happened. I just…I can change.” He was clearly still trying to hold back tears, but the dams seemed to be breaking. 

“Hey buddy, I…it’s ok.” He moved from the chair to sit on the edge of Connor’s bed. He turned to face him. “I mean…I won’t tell anyone. Bud, please look up at me, and tell me what’s going on.” Connor brought his head up. His eyes were already red from trying to hold back his tears.

“I... I don’t know. I just…I really like him, and I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help it.” His voice broke slightly, failing to hold back his tears as they finally started to run down his face. “I…I can’t be…ya know. It’s wrong. It would ruin my whole career. I’m scared, because I…I love him.” Matt had an unreadable expression on his face. Connor let out a shaky breath and lowered his head, “I think…I think…maybe I’m…” he couldn’t say it, but he didn’t have to.

Matt placed a hand on his little brother’s shoulder, Connor looked back up at him. “Gay?” Matt said. Connor began to shake, and cry. Matt slide farther onto the bed, until he was sitting facing Connor. “Hey buddy, it’s ok. It’s ok.” He was rubbing Connor’s back.

Connor shook his head, “no it’s fucking not. Dad is going to kill me. Mom will let him. Everyone is going to hate me. I…I don’t want to lose you guys.” Matt nodded knowing at least the assumptions about his parents were probably correct. 

Matt crossed his legs in front of Connor, “you won’t lose everyone, you’ll still have me. I don’t hate you.” Connor sniffled, and wiped his eyes.

“You…you don’t?” Matt shook his head. “You should, I…I cheated on Isabelle, and I told her today, and now she hates me. Eventually Noah will hate me for not wanting to come out, but if I do come out our entire family will hate me. You probably just should too.” Connor looked down at his hands that were folded on his knees.

Matt had a frown on his face as he heard his little brother talk. This was the kid who used to be all smiles, and laughs. Once he turned 11 all of that went away. He is guessing that’s probably when he realized. “Bud, I won’t sit here, and pretend to understand the whole gay thing, but I’m also not gonna sit here, and hate you for it.” Connor made eye contact with his brother.

“But dad always said-“ He was cut off by Matt.

“Fuck dad. He doesn’t know anything. All I know is, as long as you are happy and safe, then I’m happy too. Ok?” Connor nodded.

He wanted to hug Matt, but he couldn’t remember the last time any of the men in his family had hugged each other. It’s probably because it’s too affectionate for men to hug each other…it’s gay. He stared at his older brother for a minute. “Can…never mind, it’s stupid.” It’s like Matt knew exactly what Connor was thinking.

“You know, it’s not gay or whatever to hug someone you love.” Connor sniffled again, and launched himself onto his big brother. “I’m so sorry, you had to go through this alone buddy. I’m so sorry.” Matt was petting Connor’s hair.

When Connor pulled away, he had a smile on his face. “Thank you, I…I thought you were going to hate me. I thought you would like…help dad kill me.” Matt had a look of disbelief on his face. He couldn’t believe his brother thought he would actually hurt him.

“No. Never. In fact, if you ever want to come out to mom and dad, we can slowly move your stuff into my apartment…so you have somewhere to go.” Connor smiled, and nodded.

“I don’t know when or even if I’ll tell them, but thank you Matt.” Matt got up from the bed and left Connor alone in his room.

\--

It was exactly a week before Connor was going back to Samwell, and after discussing it with Noah, Matt, and even Tango, he decided he was going to tell his parents. He didn’t think it was a great idea, but ever since he told them that he and Isabelle broke up, they had been trying to set him up with other girls, and he was tired of it. So, over the past couple weeks he and Matt had slowly been moving Connor’s things to his apartment, while their parents weren’t home.

Today was the day he and Matt had agreed on, because Matt had this weekend off, and would be there with Connor when, not if, their dad exploded. Matt and Connor entered the living room where his mother was sewing, and his father was reading the paper. Matt sat down in a chair, and Connor walked into the middle of the room. 

He cleared his throat, “Mom, dad, can I talk to you?” They both put down their respective activity, and looked up at him.

“Are you ok mijo?” His mom had concern is her voice. His dad just sat there silently. 

Connor, nodded, “yeah, there is just…there is something I need to um…tell you guys. You probably aren’t gonna like it…” He started wringing his hands, and looked at his feet. Both of his parents stayed quiet. “So, I don’t really know how to um…say this, because I think I know what you guys are gonna say, and um…it scares me.” He saw his dad roll his eyes.

“Come on mijo, don’t be such a fag, tell us.” He laughed slightly. Connor gulped.

“Yes honey, I’m sure whatever it is will be fine.” She smiled sweetly, and all he could think about was how much he was gonna miss that smile.

He looked at Matt who gave him a thumbs up. “I’m…I’m um…seeing someone.” Both of his parent’s eyes lit up.

“Why would we be mad about that? I loved Isabelle, but I’m glad you’ve moved on.” His mother seemed to relax back into the couch.

“Yeah son, good job reeling in another one!” His dad seemed almost…proud of him. He tried to commit that face to memory.

“Well…that’s…that’s not all…” His parents both gaining concerning looks on the faces again. “It um…I…” he took a deep breath, and looked at Matt one more time, he had love in his eyes. “It’s a boy.” Silence. No one moved, no one spoke, Connor was half convinced no one was breathing. 

“No.” his father had a calm voice.

“Papá it’s tru-“ his father slammed his feet to the ground as he stood up. Connor flinched. 

“No, it’s not! I will not have a faggot son living under my roof! You are not a faggot.” His father was screaming 2 inches from his face. 

Connor was shrinking in on himself. “I’m sorry papá” he whispered. This seemed to make the man angrier. 

“Don’t fucking call me that, with your faggot mouth.” He spit in Connor’s face. He grabbed Connor by the front of his shirt, and pushed him against a wall. “You really want to be a fucking faggot? Really? You want to lose your whole family? You want to fucking get AIDS? Do you, faggot!?” Connor refused to cry in front of him right now.

All of a sudden, his dad was ripped away from him by Matt. “Get the fuck off of him.” Matt pushed their dad to the floor.

Their dad looked at Matt in disbelief, “are you a fucking faggot too?” he spit with anger, while pulling himself off the ground.

“No, but apparently I love your son more that you do.” Matt put himself in between Connor and their dad. 

“He’s no son of mine.” He grabbed Matt by the shirt collar, but Matt grabbed him right back. Matt was taller, and bulkier than Connor was. Their fight was much more evenly matched. They began screaming at each other, and jostling the other around.

Connor looked over at his mom who hadn’t said or done anything since this all started. She looked back at him. Tears were streaming down her face. He gave her a pleading look, because he knew if anyone could get their dad to stop screaming it was her. She shook her head, and looked away from him. Connor walked out of his childhood home for, what he guessed, was the last time ever. 

He got into Matt’s car, because he knew his dad would stop once Connor was out of the house. He was right; Matt walked out 3 minutes later. He heard his dad yell out the door behind Matt. “Never come back here you cock-sucking faggot!” He slammed the door.

Matt got in the driver’s seat and looked over at him. That was when Connor let himself let go. He began sobbing into his hands. Matt leaned over the middle console, and hugged him while he cried. “It’s ok bud, it’s alright. Let’s go home, yeah?” Connor looked up at his brother. He felt like he was 5 again when he was learning to ride a bike, and scraped his knee.

He knew his dad would be mad if he came inside, and cried to him, because crying was for girls. So, he snuck up into Matt’s room, and cried in his arms. He felt weak, and vulnerable, and oh so small. He nodded at Matt. With that he left the place he used to call home, and the people he used to call parents, who used to love him. He was proud of himself, but part of him had hoped maybe they would have still loved him. The brothers rode in silence back to the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A LOT of homophobic slurs and I mean like a lot, please be weary of this.
> 
> A little internalized homophobia, but not much.
> 
> A bit of violence, but no one gets injured.
> 
> Also can I just say that Whiskey's brother is the best person ever, I know he's just a character, but I love him.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. Will Whiskey finally just be able to be happy? Read and find out. Trigger warnings at the bottom.

Matt took him to the airport a week later. When they got there, Matt made sure he understood that he would always have a place here with him. Connor thanked, and hugged his older brother one last time and walked into the airport. It was 2 weeks before classes started, because he had to be at school for preseason. He was so excited to go back, but not so excited for people to ask how his summer went, because he didn’t really know what to tell them. He thought about possible responses the entire plane ride.

When he got to the Haus it was 5pm, and every other residents of the Haus was already there. He walked into a bunch of laughing and some screaming (curtesy of Dex and Nursey, of course). He walked into the living room, and was greeted by a chorus of “hellos”, Tango ran up and hugged him. For a minute he totally forgot that he had entire room to unpack. 

“Hey Tango, can you help me carry some stuff to my room?” He smiled at Whiskey and agreed. When they had finally carried all of his bags to the room Tango collapsed on his bed. 

“Be honest, how many of these bags contain really trendy shirts?” Whiskey laughed. He told Tango he didn’t have to help him unpack, but he insisted. As they began unpacking Dex burst into the room. 

“Hey, deciding vote, whoever can answer quicker,” Whiskey and Tango looked quizzically at each other, and then Dex. “Pizza, or Chinese?”

“Pizza,” Whiskey shouted. Dex smiled, gave a thumbs up, and left. They continued unpacking until Dex yelled for them to come down to eat. When they got there, everyone was sitting on the floor around the pizza. Great. That always meant something good.

“Alright, I’m keeping Bitty’s tradition alive, you three don’t know about it” he looked to Tango, Whiskey, and Ford. “But, last year during Haus move-in we all sat on the floor and everyone got to ask one person one question that they had to answer. Your person will be assigned randomly.” Sounded slightly invasive, but fun. “Tango you got Ford. Ford you got Me. I have Nursey. Nursey has Whiskey. Whiskey had Chowder. Chowder has Tango. Got it?” Everyone made a positive noise. “Alright, Ford you go first, ask me a question.” 

She thought for a minute, “I feel like I’m being put on the spot, but um how many siblings do you ACTUALLY have?” Emphasizing the word “actually”, because there had been so many fake numbers passed around. 

Dex shook his head, “contrary to popular belief my family actually isn’t the size of the Duggers, shocking, I know. I have 5 siblings. 3 older brothers, 1 older sister, and 1 younger sister. My siblings, in age order, are: Tom he’s 32, Gavin he’s 29, Alan and Sierra are twins, and they are 26, I’m 21, and Juliet is 17.” They all looked at him. “IT’S NOT THAT BIG!” he defended. “Whatever, Chowder your turn.”

Chowder smiled at Tango, he smiled back. “So, Tango…what’s your body count,” nobody was expecting that question. Everyone looked at Chowder with wide eyes. “What? I can be bad,” he pretended to wipe dust off his shoulder. Nursey palmed his face.

Tango laughed, “it’s ok! I don’t mind answering! It’s 12.” It was now Tango’s turn to get stared at with wide eyes. “Don’t look at me like that. I was kind of a whore freshman year, it was exhilarating.” Everyone laughed. “Obviously, I don’t think there is anything wrong with sleeping around…like I would never call someone else a whore.” Whiskey put his hand on Tango’s shoulder signaling that everyone already knew that.

“Ok, I’ll go next, Nursey.” Dex turned to face his friend, “why do you hate me?” Nursey had a slightly offended look on his face. “Come on, I want to know.”

Nursey shook his head sadly, “I don’t hate you Dexy. Maybe I did a little bit in the beginning, but you were like uber republican, and bigoted then. Now I thought…I don’t know. I kinda thought we were like best friends.” Dex looked super guilty.

“Oh. I guess…I’m sorry Nursey.” He leaned over and hugged him. Everyone looked around the circle like they just saw Donald Trump and Barack Obama willingly hug. “What? I can be nice, you know!?” He saw the irony in how he just yelled that. “Um…sorry. Anyway, Whiskey your turn.” 

Whiskey stared at Chowder very unsure of what to ask him. “Um…who do you think is a cuter couple, you and Farms, or Bitty and Jack?” There was a chorus of “oooohs” from around the room.

“Whatever is said in here, is not repeated outside,” everyone nodded. “…I think Jack and Bitty are cuter.” He covered his mouth with his hands. “It’s just…the height difference! Come on! That shit is cute as hell.” There seemed to be a nod of agreement around the room. “Tell Farms, and you all die.” There was a slightly more scared nod that went around the room.

“Alright that about proves the theory that goalies are fucking scary. Tango you are up.” Chowder nodded at his previous statement, and then mimed slitting his throat, just really doubling down on the threat.

“Ok, Ford! Got any lovely lady prospects?” She blushed immediately.

“Um…maybe…kinda…I don’t know. This girl I was a counselor at camp with this summer was really cute, and stuff, and we talk basically all the time, AND she only goes to Harvard, so it’s not even a far drive.” She smiled at all of them. “So, you know just really trying to lock that shit down.” Once again, nursey palmed his face at his friends’ sad attempts at being cool.

“That’s awesome Ford get your girl. Lastly and certainly least, Nursey.” Nursey glared at him, Dex shot him a smile.

“Ok, I’m gonna preface this question with: you seriously don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to, like seriously.” Whiskey looked concerned. “The night after the game on family weekend, why did you ask me to come stay in your dorm with you?” Everyone looked at Whiskey confused. Whiskey looked like he was gonna throw up. “You really don’t have to answer, I can ask a different question.” Whiskey shook his head.

“No, it’s ok. You guys are my team, and you care about me. Just…don’t judge me ok?” Everyone sat quietly, almost as if they didn’t want to startle him. “So, um I went to dinner with my parents, and um…My dad said some stuff, and I guess it…triggered me or whatever. I um…didn’t want to be alone, and Tango was with his mom, so I called you. I uh didn’t want to be alone because…” He looked out at his audience to see of anyone here might have a judging look. “A couple weeks before that…I um…was kinda triggered by something along the same lines, and I um…hurt myself.” He whispered the last part. The entire team was silent.

It was Dex who spoke first, “Hey dude, thank you for trusting us with that. You didn’t need to tell us. No one is going to judge you or tell anyone else.” Everyone nodded.

Nursey spoke next, “Yeah seriously, and I’m honored that you trusted me enough that night to call me.” 

Chowder went, “I’m proud you thought to call someone when you knew you couldn’t trust yourself to be alone. It takes a big person to admit they need help.” Ford and Tango put their arms around his back, and squeezed him. He really was beginning to love this team.

\--

A week later the LAX team moved back into their house, which meant, that Noah was back. They were in Noah’s room in the LAX house. They were making out on his bed, when Whiskey pulled away. 

“What’s wrong? Did I do something?” He shook his head, and turned to him.

“…I think maybe I want to tell the team…about me, but also about…us?” Noah beamed at him. 

“Really? You think you’re ready? Are you sure they can keep it a secret?” Connor smiled.

“Yeah, apparently all the frogs knew that Jack and Bitty were dating during the fucking fall semester before they came out.” Noah laughed and pulled him in for a hug. 

He kissed the top on Connor’s hair, “I am so proud of how far you have come baby. So proud.” He pulled Connor down on top of him as he flopped back onto the bed. He began kissing Connor’s neck. 

Noah flipped them so he was on top of Connor, and began sucking marks just below where they were visible. “Noah James Langly, you will be the death of me.” Noah began to sink lower. 

\--

Two weeks later was the first Kegster of the season, and the day Whiskey had decided he would come out to his team, well the frogs, Ford, and the waffles. He didn’t quite trust the new freshmen yet. They met at the LAX house. It was well before the Kegster, so it was guaranteed only the team would be there. 

“You ready?” Connor looked up at Noah, and kissed him. It was passionate, but not heated. He pulled away. 

“I don’t think I have ever been more ready for anything ever.” He grabbed his hand as he walked out of the house. When they got there, he dropped Noah’s hand just before walking in the door. “Stay in the hallway until I tell them, ok?” Noah nodded. Whiskey walked into the living room as expected it was only the team there, but it was the whole team including freshmen. He walked over to Dex. “Hey Dex.” 

He turned to face Whiskey, “Yeah man what’s up?” he was directing the freshmen on where to hang the lights. 

“There is kinda something I want to tell you guys, but I don’t want the freshmen to know…can you…” Dex gave him a thumbs up.

“Hey freshies!” They all turned and gave their captain their full attention. “Your work here is done. Go get ready and be back in an hour.” They all scurried out of the Haus. “Alright man the floor is yours, everyone sit down.” Everyone listened and sat.

“Ok well…you all know I’m not very good with emotions, so this is kind of difficult for me.” Tango looked at him proudly. “But I um…trust you guys, and I want you to know this part of me, so…” He took a deep breath, “I’m…I like…I’m gay.” This was the first time he ever said it out loud himself. It looked like people were going to congratulate him, but he kept talking. “That’s not all. I’m also dating someone…his name is Noah, and um…he might maybe, be on the LAX team.” Now they all (except Tango) looked half upset, and half proud. It was an odd range of emotions.

Noah walked into the room and waved. The team erupted in opinions shouting over one and other. “Everyone shut up!” Dex screamed. “You guys do not, and I mean at all, get to have an opinion about this. Whiskey is our teammate…our brother, and he trusted us with this, and you will not make him feel bad about this got it?!” Every quietly sat back down. 

“Thanks…um…Dex. I know we don’t get along with LAX bros, and I get it, but Noah really isn’t a den on toxic masculinity. He’s really nice to me…and we have been dating for about a year, so I don’t think he’s going anywhere.” Noah grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Also, I um… really want to go pro, so I kind of need you all to keep this a secret. Please.” Everyone was smiling now. 

“Well…LET’S GET FUCKED UP! IT’S A CELEBRATION NOW BITCHESSSSS” Nursey was yelling. Whiskey shook his head and leaned into Noah’s chest. 

“You sure you want to stick around? He’s always like this.” Noah leaned down to Whiskey’s ear.

“I’ve never been surer of anything it my life.” He connected their lips. The room erupted in whistling and shouting. Whiskey pulled away and hid himself in Noah’s chest again.

Dex walked over to them, laughing. “Hey man, seriously thank you for sharing that with us.” He started walking away, but turned back around, “also…”

“FIIIIIIIIIIIINE” Dex, Nursey, and Chowder all shouted at the same time. Whiskey rolled his eyes, and pulled out his wallet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self-harm is mentioned
> 
> Thank you everyone so much for reading this! I wrote this mostly because I was upset that Whiskey never got to be happy in the actual books, so that resulted in this. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you once again!


End file.
